Well said
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
I literally couldn't have said it better myself. I've tried.
It is 5:28 PM. I am staring at the screen which is fairly blurry given that my eyes are brimming with tears. There is a choke hold in my throat and a throbbing in my brain. I'm in my cubicle in my office and I don't care if anyone sees. And they would probably think me a fool if they were to ask what's wrong anyway.
I just finished reading the second part of Jon Robin Baitz' article on HuffingtonPost.com about his departure from the show he created, Brothers and Sisters, and from Los Angeles. It's appropriate that an award winning New York playwright has put into words everything that I feel about Los Angeles with such perfect genius and clarity. I was reminded of a lyric that a reader sent me about a month ago from the Neil Diamond song, I am I said:
LA's fine, but it ain't home
New York's home but it ain't mine no more
Baitz says so, so many striking things about LA - about how lonely it is, the obsession with looks and youth, about how the industry runs and how no one talks about anything else, about the way this town reeks of desperation. But that was not what brought me to tears. It amazed me with it's accuracy, with everything I have felt in my gut and soul but not quite found the words to say. But it did not bring me to tears.
No. What brought me to tears was his beautifully perfect description of New York:
"However, in New York, the life of the street, the flirtation and ebb and flow of strangers getting off of the bus, makes for a perpetual energy machine. New York is just sexier, smarter, and better dressed, less vulgar, more diverse, filled with accident, and unexpected encounters, as a rule. There is the Neue Gallery across from the Met, down the street from the Guggenheim, which is up from the Whitney, just a twenty minute walk to MOMA, across Central Park, etc, etc, forever and ever. You will see, smile at, spy on, talk to, stare at, be enchanted by any number of utterly different kinds of people within twenty minutes of leaving your apartment in NYC. A barrage rather than the white noise of the undulating palms and brackish skies of the dream coast."
And in LA...well it's all a 20 minute drive away in your isolated car and there's not even the opportunity for a chance encounter or a new meeting on the subway. And when you get where you're going, everyone turns around to see if you might be "someone" (which of COURSE you are...just not someone they know.) And I feel grateful for the few friends out here that I know with my heart are true friends because I have found that there are so many more that are not. People are harder to trust in LA. Everyone's in it for something and rarely is it just to get to know you.
As my husband and our good friend Jessica have often said, "My favorite thing about LA is leaving it."
It was appropriate that I read this after a conversation with one of my best friends and former roommates from New York in which he told me about August Osage County, a new play on Broadway that I've been told I absolutely CAN NOT miss. I haven't seen a Broadway show or an off-Broadway show in over a year. It used to be my daily life. I told him that I didn't know when I would be in New York next, that since it's a limited run, I might miss it.
But I don't WANT to miss it. I want to see it, and every other show that I've missed in the past three years.
Uch. I miss my home.
***
Find Jon Robin Baitz' posts here:
Leaving Los Angeles, (Part One: Work)
Leaving Los Angeles, (Part Two: Love)
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:26 PM
Labels: homesick, LA rant, NYC
i have been back east and then out of the country and with friends and family and stuffing myself full of it all -- oh the holidaze-- and being such a busybody of sorts i havent read your blogs as much as usual-- and i just got back to LA and have cried at least 4 times and it's only been a couple days and my husband is out and one hundred percent reimmersed all ready and i havent quite caught up and its a quiet nite and i am sitting here losing myself online and your blog just made my cry again.
thank you....??? ha! i guess for helping me not to feel so alone...
oh mishy....
first let me say you are an incredible writer
as I am from LA... I don't feel the EXACT same way you do...
but I KNOW what you are talking about
and am lucky enough that it is NOT my experience here
though there are times I do EXPERIENCE it on occasion
I try to steer clear of that part of LA
so i escape to My Dad's in Malibu - who happens to be from BROOKLYN NEW YORK - so I guess being raised by a new yorker - I have a similar comfort zone as you.
I love you
I send you all good vibes
I wish you the happiest new year
and I look forward to spending good quality time with you this year
because YOU are an angel
and I adore you
xoxoxoo,
meredith
What a great post! I read John Robitz's article and all 3 pages of comments. I'm so happy you found use for the Neil Diamond quote I sent you!
I think I reflect more on LA's shortcomings when I have less to do, and I feel like I am missing out on all the birthdays, engagements, brunches and casual hanging out I am missing out on with family and friends back east. Unfortunately this mood struck me around the holidays when almost everyone else is so occupied!
Anyway it's great to have my feelings reaffirmed on your blog.
New York misses you too....but I miss you more....