The wishes that can't come true...
Friday, July 31, 2009
I've written this post in my head so many times over the past 2-ish years but tonight, I just felt the need to actually put pen to paper (so to speak...and btw, I love the idea of actually putting pen to paper these days. The computer screen is so bright...)
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 8:32 PM 1 comments
Labels: family, introspection, musings on life
A Love Letter to Ina
Monday, May 5, 2008
I read cookbooks. Like cover to cover.
This is a shock to me. I had no idea that I was going to grow up and be a cookbook reader.
This evening I came home from work and my Amazon.com shipment had arrived. It contained three books:
1. How'd You Score That Gig - a book that was promoted in my "Daily Cents" email and I just couldn't resist given my influx of career thoughts these days.
2. Colin Cowie's Chic- I recently bought this for a close friend for her birthday and it was nearly impossible not to keep it for myself. So I did the next best thing and bought myself one too. How do you resist a book with PERFECT advice on home, entertaining, travel, and work from one of the most fabulous gay men alive???
3. The Barefoot Contessa at Home- which brings me to this post. You know how Sesame Street is brought to you by a letter? Like the letter Q. or R. or any of the other 24 letters. This post is brought to you by the Barefoot Contessa.
When I opened the package, I stared at all three and contemplated - but I was immediately drawn to Ina. And I didn't just turn to the recipes. I wanted to read her introduction. I WANTED to. Ummmmm...I am a cookbook introduction reading 32 year old woman. AND I LOVE IT.
I'm only 40 pages into her 249 pages of delectable delights but I'm already dreaming of dinner parties with perfect margaritas (no margarita mix!!!!) and pan-fried french onion dip (made ENTIRELY from scratch) and most importantly lots and lots of laughing. And warmth. Ina talks about a home filled with warmth. Where people walk in and they feel like family. And that's why I love Ina. Sure, her recipes are amaaaaazing. Next level. Truly my favorites. I know if I cook Barefoot, I'm cooking a good meal. But the Ina's philosophy rings true for me even more:
"A good home should gather you up in its arms like a warm cashmere blanket, soothe your hurt feelings, and prepare you to go back out into that big bad world tomorrow all ready to fight the dragons....Sure it has to make (myself and my husband) feel comfortable, but equally important, it has to make my friends want to drop by."
This. This is the philosophy I want to live by. This is what life is about. Having a home that feels like a home to each and every person that comes here. With chairs that they can sink their bodies into and food they can sink their teeth into and conversation they can sink their souls into. This is what life is about.
I'm 32 and I read cookbooks. Excuse me now. I have to go finish...
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 8:48 PM 4 comments
Labels: family, food and drink, friends, introspection, musings on life, whilst drinking
Jewish Tourettes
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I love a good bargain. I grew up in the car with my grandmother telling my mom about "the bah-gain" she got on grapes at the grocery store that day.
"They were a dollah twenty five a pound at Stop and Shop but Julio's had them for ninety-nine cents!"
This was a conversation that I heard often. I didn't really get it when I was a kid. It was only later that I learned that my grandmother's family had owned a grocery store...so it was her business. The same way I discuss scripts and writers, she discussed grapes. But I digress. My point is that she loved a bargain. She paid for an entire meal at Friendly's in coupons once. I kid you not. The woman was a whiz at saving money.
This was my introduction to bargain shopping. However, as I got older, I didn't care so much about the bargain I could get on grapes as much as I cared about the sale rack at Banana Republic or Barney's Co-op. I prided myself on the fact that I could find great fashion at great prices. My mother assisted in this mission by making the day after Thanksgiving sale at Saks a family outing. We are the crazy people who awake at 7 AM for an 8 AM arrival at the Saks Copley Square. And we don't just get there early to make sure we get the best merchandise (although that definitely plays a role in our logic). We get there early because from 8-11 AM, there is an additional 40% off already reduced prices. Do you hear that? AN ADDITIONAL FORTY PERCENT. Which is how I got my one and only pair of Manolo Blahniks for $125. Amazing - right? I made Carrie Bradshaw proud. Even though she's a fictitious character, I know she was proud of my deal.
I've never been that girl who gets a compliment and just simply says "thank you". I wish I could be...I have often longed to be that girl. The classy one, who never has a hair out of place, who never lets them see her sweat. The girl who has the perfect pearls and is just cool enough to be slightly mysterious but still likable. I've always imagined what that feels like. To be the one who always says just enough but never too much.
I am not that girl. In fact, I am the opposite of that girl. I have Jewish tourettes.
I learned about this disorder at a bridal shower a few years ago. I was at a lovely home near Westlake Village and I was wearing my Manolos. The afternoon was delightful - perfect weather, interesting people, and a few glasses of perfectly crisp Pinot Grigio. We went outside to take a group photo and one of the shower hostesses looked down and remarked about my shoes.
"I love your shoes. They're stunning." And she pulled a few of her friends over to get a look.
She was right. They are. They're tan mules with red accents and the most perfect pointy toe you've ever seen. I just made my co-worker take a picture of them for me so that you can see. It doesn't do them justice...but you get the idea.
For some reason, it didn't even occur to me to simply say, "Thank you." The thought didn't cross my mind. It seemed to me to be my civic duty to let these lovely women in on the fact that I got a bonafide bargain on my Manolos.
"Thank you!" I started, but of course couldn't stop there. "I LOVE them!" I blurted, the excitement building. "I got them at the Saks day-after Thanksgiving sale! They were marked down from $475 to $200 AND I got an additional 40% off!" I exclaimed, expecting the routine excitement that I was used to receiving upon revelation of such an incredible deal.
Instead, I was greeted with blank stares and silence. It was as though I had just divulged my most intimate secrets, given details of my sexual exploits. I waited another moment, hoping that the pause button had been pressed on my life. But when it became clear that these women were horrified rather than proud, I gave a nervous laugh and quickly moved away, wondering how my usual divulging of information had been viewed as a gargantuan faux-pas. Where had I gone wrong?
And then I realized...these women were not Jewish. They were the well coiffed, well mannered women who could simply stop at "Thank you." They were not impressed by my bargain. Quite the opposite, in fact. They were horrified by the fact that I didn't (or perhaps couldn't) simply keep it to myself.
I refer to that incident as the discovery of Jewish tourettes. It's a disease that I've tried to overcome ever since that bridal shower. I have reminded myself time and again that it's ok to simply reply with "thank you" when I receive a compliment. I do not need to reveal the fact that I got it at the outlet. No one needs to know that it wasn't triple the price I actually paid. Let people think that I'm wealthier than I am!! But no matter how hard I try, it comes out. Before I can stop myself, I've let them know that I got it at the Theory outlet, that it came from H&M, that it was on the sale rack at Banana for $20. I simply can't resist. I blame it on those car rides with my grandmother and the grapes. And I remind myself that while other people might look at me like I have twenty heads, she's smiling somewhere saying, "That's my girl."
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:52 PM 2 comments
Labels: family, life lessons, yeah...i'm a little bit crazy
Have yourself...
Monday, December 24, 2007
It is Christmas Eve and I've gotten a moment of quiet. I took out the computer while it was there and now the quiet is gone. But I enjoy the noise nonetheless. I am alternating between English Breakfast tea and J Pinot Gris. The tree is lit with ornaments the colors of the sea. Appropriate considering we are south of Santa Barbara - about 5 minutes from Rincon Beach. The house is full of laughter and children's voices and different accents and fantastic smells. There's "White Christmas" playing on the stereo and soon it will be followed by a Bob Marley or U2 Christmas song - both of which I would have been able to think of that names if only you'd asked me two glasses of wine ago. We just ate some sort of tenderloin that was out of this world and mixed baby greens with dried cranberries and stilton and candied pecans and haricot verts with marcona almonds and lemon juice and baked potatoes with creme fraiche and butter and scallions. We've just realized that we left the bottle of pinot grigio in the freezer but we've gotten it out just in time. There are cookies going out for Santa - along with a pint of Guiness and a carrot for the reindeer.
Christmas is magic.
I describe this scene because I can't quite find the words to describe how I feel. And being surrounded by these Brits, I hear myself writing this and saying "Cah-n't" in my head...like you would say car. Do other people do that? Read their emails or their articles or their blogs in the voices that they imagine are authoring? I do.
Anyhow, I can't find the words. I hope that one day I'll become the writer that can transport you there to experience everything happening as it is in my world. But for now, I'm not certain I can do it justice. We are with close friends celebrating the holiday in their home - friends who are family.
I think of a year ago. My first Christmas Eve with Fin and Russell. It was just the four of us. We gathered in this newly built living room around the fireplace and ate on the floor and drank red wine. The only light was that of the Christmas tree - the first piece of furniture to enter the new home. We laughed and spoke of the year past and the year ahead. We weren't married yet. It was our first and only Christmas as fiances with all the hope and excitement of everything to come. We spent the evening wrapping gifts and eating the cookies and carrots left out. And laughing.
We were awoken by the kids the next morning at some ungodly hour in order to open presents. It was my first Christmas morning with children and it was fantastic. We awoke to "Santa's come! SANTA'S COME!!! Michelle, Matt, come ON!" Gifts were chosen and paper was torn apart and bicycles were ridden and forts were built and Christmas morning was the most fantastic thing ever.
And here we are again a year later. There's something different the second year. A building of tradition. A lovely ease. This time the house is filled with far more people and it appears that there's no last minute gift-wrapping (although it's only 8:45 and there are still children awake. But I'm not sure my less than stellar wrapping abilities would be enhanced any by the amount of wine I've consumed.) The house has been occupied for almost a year and we've even got our own room for when we come to stay. A whole year has past and dare I say it for fear of sounding like my great aunt Connie - the kids are a year older. And so are we.
A lot has happened in this past year. I'm grateful for this evening. The same place a year later...to look back and reflect. I can't describe how I feel - can't possibly do it justice. But the genius is that I'm with people that don't need to hear the words. They just know.
I hope your Christmas is filled with all the beauty and wonderment and reflection that you could possibly ask for.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 8:22 PM 0 comments
Labels: family, food and drink, friends, whilst drinking
Hitting the slopes
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Modesty is overrated. Besides, when it's pertaining to someone other than yourself, you're allowed to brag - right?
This January, I'll be hitting the slopes in Park City, Utah. Why, you ask? Have I moved on from television to film? No. I'm interested in checking out the scene? Nope. Perhaps I just want to get a little skiing in and Utah is closer than Vermont? Not that either.
I'm going to Park City for the Sundance Film Festival for the premiere of a movie called Momma's Man starring...MY HUSBAND!
YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Sometimes life is just grand. And in those grand moments, I love sharing my excitement. We've known for over a week but now we get to shout if off the rooftops since it's been announced to the world. So I'm shouting, baby.
You can expect more displays lacking modesty after I'm actually there and see the movie but for the moment, I'm done. For the moment.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:31 PM 1 comments
Labels: family, the industry
new and unknown
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Next week I go "home" for Thanksgiving. But not to my childhood home...to my husband's parent's home. This is a first for me. The transition may be slightly easier because my parents have chosen to come to New York to be with us and with my sister. Still, it's hard. I'll miss not being in their house and doing our traditional Thanksgiving things. I'll miss seeing our extended family as I have every Thanksgiving for the past 32 years. I'll miss the annual trip to Saks the day after Thanksgiving with my mom - up at the crack of dawn to arrive at Saks by 8 AM to get the additional 40% off and beat the crowds for the best selection. I'll miss my father's fires. I'll miss seeing my childhood friends and reminiscing about high school, catching up on what's new, and talking about Kelly's new baby on the way. I'll miss my father's fantabulous breakfasts that wake me with their smell. It's one of my favorite times of year. There's something comforting in knowing exactly how things will be, exactly how things will go. It's hard to let go of some of your old traditions - even for just a year. It's hard to do something new. It's hard to give up "yours".
But I'm still looking forward to Thanksgiving. It is still Thanksgiving after all.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:19 PM 1 comments
Labels: family, life lessons
The leaves are perfect
Friday, October 26, 2007
I got my perfect fall day. The leaves blew across the street in a perfect swirl and for a moment, I felt as though I were in a scene of a poignant, thought-evoking film. I stared out the car window at the trees - a brilliant collage of fiery reds and oranges and yellows. The grass was covered in crunchy browns and deeper jewel tones. The air was crisp - just chilled enough to give your cheeks a slight hint of pink but the shining sun smiled down upon us as though to say, "Don't worry kids. I'm here watching and I always will be."
There's something ironic about being in that perfect fall setting and hearing the sound of the shovel digging into the pile of dirt. Like nails on a chalkboard, it sends shivers down my spine. I hate that part the most...perhaps because you have to see the descent into the ground and there's absolutely no way that you can NOT come to terms with the loss you have experienced.
But I was glad to be reminded of the woman that you were. A bold, strong, compassionate, lover full of chutzpah. A true liver of life. You took lemons and made lemonade. And I was glad to have the opportunity to honor you with words that brought not only tears, but laughter as well. My father-in-law, who only got to meet you once, came up to me and said, "I'm sorry I didn't get to know your grandmother. She sounds like she was a truly phenomenal woman." And that is exactly what you were.
My aunt's students sent her condolence cards and we read them today as we sat and ate, the way that Jews do while they sit shiva. And they were truly prolific. One of her 7th graders wrote:
I am so sorry for your loss. Even the sky shed tears for your mother. But she will always be with you. Mothers always are.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
It really was a perfect fall day. They sent you off in style, Grammy - exactly the way you deserved.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 7:23 PM 0 comments
Labels: family, musings on life
I raise my glass...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I remember the way that you'd talk about the price of grapes at the grocery store. I'd ask my mom, annoyed that the days coupons and groceries were the topic du jour. "Grammy's family owned a grocery store. That was her business at one time." I didn't get it then - but I get it now.
I remember using your breasts as pillows. You loved it- having a granddaughter on each side. They weren't breasts to me...they were Grammy's pillows and they were the warmest, safest place to lay my head.
I remember the way you'd give advice. I was having trouble with my now husband once, and at 83, alzheimers and all, you looked at me and said, "Michelle, honey, stop making such a big deal out of all of it. Just think of him like he's a very good friend who's going to be around for a very long time." You were so smart.
I remember our phone calls when I lived in NYC. "Are you flirting?" you'd say when you checked in. "Because you can't meet boys if you're not flirting." You made me laugh at the simple brilliance of your statement. You were right...how could I meet boys if I wasn't flirting?
You were a true matriarch. You were the mother of 4 kids whom you raised almost entirely by yourself. You had 4 children-in-laws that you treated like your own. You had 10 grandchildren and 2 great-grandkids...and you gave each and every one of us love. You were at every recital, every play, every sporting event, every graduation. Nothing was more important to you than your family.
I remember, when I was a little girl, the way you'd say to me, "How much do I love you?" and you'd raise your arms and say "Up to the sky." And you did.
You made the best fudge anyone's ever tasted, the most incredible apple pie. Your apple pie caused arguments when Uncle Michael would ration it out at Thanksgiving so that he could have enough for himself. "Don't worry, Michael," you'd say. "I made you a whole other one." You always took care of everyone.
Whenever we went to the movies, you would ask for "very little ice" in our drinks and I was embarassed. For years I thought of that and I'd cringe. But guess what...eventually I got smart and realized what you knew all along - that they fill the whole freaking cup with ice! Now I, too, ask for "very little ice."
Once, you paid for our entire meal in coupons at Friendly's. You loved a good bargain.
You could laugh at herself. A couple of years ago, Matt and I went home to visit you and you came out to greet us in the hall.
"Mert!" you said.
"What Grammy?"
"Mert!"
"You mean Matt?"
"Oh..." quiet for a moment and then a little giggle. "Matt!"
You got this fabulous look on your face when you were enjoying great food. You'd look at us out of the corner of your eye, almost as though you were doing something you shouldn't be doing...and you'd quietly smack your lips a few times.
You were the cutest woman I know. You always had a twinkle in your eye. And you were stubborn as all get out but we all learned something from your willingness to look at things from another perspective every now and then. And you danced at my wedding, Grammy. You were determined to - and you did.
I know it was time and I'm glad that you don't have to suffer anymore. Although no one can say you lived an easy life, you lived a very full life and you were loved more than you know. But it's never easy to say goodbye, never easy to lose someone you love so unconditionally. Who was so warm and so wise and so close to your heart. You were always there for me, Grammy, no matter what. You were such a phenomenally special woman and I am honored to have had the time with you that I did. And I'm grateful to have had someone in my life who loved me...loves me...the way that you did and always will.
So I raise my glass to you, Ruthie. I raise my glass to you.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 9:49 PM 2 comments
Labels: family
Good Yontif
Friday, September 21, 2007
I'm going home to my parent's in Massachusetts for Yom Kippur. A quick 36 hour trip home. No, I'm not exaggerating. I wish I were. We get on a redeye at 11 PM tonight, arrive in Boston at 7 AM Saturday morning, get back on a plane at 7 PM Sunday night and arrive back at LAX at 11 PM Sunday night.
Math is not my strong suit, but I believe that's 48 hours total and 36 hours in Boston. Which means that 12 hours are spent in the air traveling. I have one single word for this.
Oy.
But I haven't seen my grammy or my aunts and uncles or my cousins in 4 months. And it will probably be another 4 before I see them again. So I'm going and I'm going to soak everyone in and carry them back with me to Los Angeles to take me through until the next trip. And I guess this is what you do when you live 3000 miles across the country.
So good yontif to those of you to whom it applies...I'll be spending the plane ride thinking about my "sins" of the past year. As far as asking for forgiveness goes, I think that starts with me forgiving myself. Don't you think? I just started to launch into some thoughts about this but I think I was sounding like a rabbi giving a sermon - and I don't really have a lot of interest in sounding like that.
See you after my whirlwind weekend.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 10:34 AM 0 comments
Labels: family, homesick, musings on life
