Musings on a plane ride from coast to coast
Monday, May 12, 2008
Apparently Samantha is living in LA.
I found this out last night on the plane ride back from my 36 hour jaunt to Boston for Mother's Day. I bought Vogue because SJP graced the cover and even though I still mourn the fact that she's not half as cool in real life as Carrie is, I couldn't resist anything having to do with Sex and the City. Yes - that Samantha.
There is a line in the article that reads: In the story, all the girls have moved on: Samantha is living in L.A., Charlotte is settled in with her adopted Chinese daughter, and Miranda...is married and living in Brooklyn.
As I read "Samantha is living in L.A.", all of a sudden I had tears spilling over onto the page. I practically rolled my eyes at myself. It wasn't enough that I've cried EVERY SINGLE TIME that I've seen the trailer for this stupid movie. Now I was crying at a magazine article? What the hell???
Well, I'll tell you what the hell.
Things change. Even in Sex and the City things change. Yes, their lives were always constantly shifting - men, jobs, apartments. But through it all, they were together. In New York City. When Carrie moved to Paris for four episodes it was impossible that it would ever last...she was obviously going to move back. Because while everything else around them was constantly changing, Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte stayed put.
But things change. And Samantha goes to LA.
I got an email from a friend of mine who's still in college. She just got back from Semester at Sea. She wrote that she hasn't been able to stop crying since she got home. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up slightly in acknowledgment as I read her email. It wasn't a smile per se. It was an understanding. An ahhhhhh, yes. I recognize her ache. I have felt that too on so many occasions. The end of camp. The end of college. The end of a show. Moving to NYC. Moving from NYC. The end of wedding planning (ummm - RIDICULOUS but true.) It's the feeling of wondering how it could it possibly ever be better than this moment. The fear that it will never be as good as this again. And ultimately, the realization of exactly how special the moment you were just in actually is.
Things change. Samantha goes to LA. And I did too.
But here's the thing.
Those moments DO happen again. New ones. Even better than the last ones. Or sometimes different. We will forever long for those days (of college, of early 20's, of whatever...). Or I. I should say I. I'm speaking for me. But if I stayed in those moments that I end up mourning, I don't think it would stay special. I don't think I'd continue to appreciate it. And within those little microcosms, things would begin to change too.
So it's true that nothing lasts forever. That dreams change and trends come and go. But at the end of the day, the most important part of all of that is that the best friendships never ever go out of style. They, too, may change. Shift. Perhaps have growing pains. Some may fall by the wayside from missed communications or just growing up and growing apart. But there are people that just become a part of your chemical makeup. That I can say with the utmost certainty, will be a part of my life for the rest of it. No matter the location, no matter the situation. My Samantha and Charlotte and Miranda, my Anthony and my Stanford will be around. Forever.
Those friendships will never, EVER go out of style.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:27 PM 2 comments
Labels: friends, introspection, moving to LA, NYC
A song for Monday
Monday, January 28, 2008
Today I feel like a bloated whale without a brain. But a friend played this song for us on Friday night and I loved it. It's by a band called The Brendan Hines. I couldn't find the lyrics online so I interpreted myself...there's one word I can't understand so I'm just putting an asterisk there, but given the rest of the song, I'm sure it's witty and apropos. And check out their other music...I like them.
I MISS NEW YORK
Hobos and tacos and broken down Hondas
No-doz and slow-mo's and Jane fucking Fondas
Sunshine and red wine and "How was the torque?"
I miss New York
Fuck you but thank you
May I ask who's calling
Run-thru's and Jet Blues and beach volleyballing
Palm trees, exposed knees, a punched Mickey Rourke
But I miss New York
Washington Square are you still there?
Do you still have drugs, jugglers and bugs to spare?
Sunglasses, free passes and come see my band
Valets and bad plays and condoms and sand
Freeways and delays
Carnitas means pork
But I miss New York
****, mad dog stares and avocados
Drunk driving, high fiving, money up my nose
Texting and sexing
I hugged mickey rourke
I miss New York
Tompkins square are you still there
Do you still have bugs, mohawks and drugs to spare?
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 6:02 PM 0 comments
Labels: daily, moving to LA, NYC
History
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I had an interesting conversation with someone yesterday. She also used to live in NYC and now lives in LA. Unlike me, she can't fathom going back. Her entire family is there - no matter. And when I asked about all her close friends from NY, her response was, "Yeah - I don't really miss them. I just made new best friends. I talk to my friends back east now and they always yell at me because we never talk. But I've moved on."
Huh. Interesting.
Moved on? I can't fathom the idea of not talking to my friends in NYC. I can't imagine replacing the friendships I've had for 10, 15, 30 years with new ones. Gaining new friends? Absolutely. Just forgetting the old ones? Are you freaking kidding me? That's my HISTORY. Those people are part of who I am. I can't even compreHEND the idea of not missing my friends in NYC. I wanted to question whether or not she actually had really good friends in NYC because if she did, then how the hell could they be replaceable? I, of course, did not ask this question. It was interesting to me that this person has adapted to Los Angeles so easily. I feel like that sort of laissez faire attitude fits perfectly into LA. And so does she.
There was a part of me that was mildly envious of her ability to pick up her life, transport it here and start anew. To create a new core group of friends so much so that she felt she wasn't missing anything. I'm sure if I didn't miss the people back east so much, I would be able to adapt myself to Los Angeles more. I would undoubtedly still miss New York itself - the energy, the hustle and bustle, the culture, the (and I know some of you will laugh at this description, but for me, it holds so much truth) ease. But it would be easier for me if I didn't love so many people there.
But I do. And they are people that I would never want to "give up" or "find new ones" of. They are irreplaceable. So while I slowly but surely make some new friends out here, they are just that - new. They are not a replacement of anything. And if we find that we like each other well enough to maintain our relationships then we, too, will begin a history. But we'll never replace my old ones.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 9:33 AM 2 comments
Labels: friends, homesick, moving to LA
A place where you don't need to get validated
Monday, November 5, 2007
I had breakfast with a good friend from NYC last week. Her husband was here for business and she and her son tagged along to see some friends and get some fall sun. We had breakfast at their hotel and on the way out, I got my parking validated. Thinking in my normal "New York or LA" manner, I laughed. "Of course I have to get validated in LA."
She pointed out that you need to get validated for parking in many cities...but she echoed the sentiment moments later. She mentioned that her husband had been looking at some potential jobs in Los Angeles while they were here this week - but after spending the week here, she just felt like she wouldn't be happy in LA.
"Forget the fact that it's so spread out. Everything - I mean everything - just feels so material. Everyone is in their fancy cars with their insanely big houses. And I can't imagine sending my kids to school here. And it's all about seeing and being seen. I'd feel so much pressure here. And I have some great, great, girlfriends here...but I still don't think I'd be happy."
This was her impression after a mere 5 days in this place. She, too, felt that inherent to Los Angeles is the need to feel validated in a way that doesn't exist in New York or Chicago or many other cities.
Perhaps this is not true for everyone who lives here. And I think there are probably many who enjoy this aspect of Los Angeles. But there does seem to be this constant buzz of who you know, what you do, where you were last night and with whom and it sort of makes you want to crawl into a hole and hide and remind everyone that it's the journey, not the destination...that there's nothing more valuable than love and kindness. And I know I sound cliche, but I think a lot of people out here forget the importance in just being warm and loving and kind.
Why does everyone out here care so much about everyone else? And you could turn around and point this question directly back at me. You could tell me that the issue is my own. You could ask me why I feel like I need to be validated. You could say to me, "But Michelle...if you don't care, then why does this bother you so much?" You could tell me that if I'm truly secure in who I am, then outside validation is bunk anyhow.
And you'd be right on all accounts. These are all good and true points. They are questions that I have often asked myself since I settled down in this City of Angels. And I did occasionally have these feelings when I lived in New York. I think the need for occasional validation is human. But since I moved to Los Angeles, I have felt it more and more - at times to an uncomfortable extent. And I've searched more and more for my own sense of peace, my own validation...so that when I feel something other than that from someone I know or someone I meet, I can simply brush it off without paying it any heed. I haven't gotten there yet - but I'm working on it.
My friend that I had this conversation with - she is one of the most confident and grounded young women I know. I have often admired her self-assuredness. And so in that moment, it felt good that another confident, secure young woman saw exactly what I see and knew that she would struggle with exactly what I struggle with here in LA. In that moment, I felt validated.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:05 PM 0 comments
Labels: life lessons, moving to LA
New Contacts (the phone number kind)
Saturday, September 15, 2007
There's something remarkable about that moment when you enter a new number into your list of contacts. A mix of emotions - excited, happy, a little surprised (at least at my age) and a little nervous - all at the same time.
At 31, you meet a lot of new people, but you don't necessarily meet a lot of new people by whom you are stimulated enough to want to add their number to your phone. That you actually believe have potential to be a person that you will spend time with outside of the social setting in which you originally meet. At least for me.
I'm older. In the best possible way. I know what and who I like. I trust my instincts and my instincts tell me if I trust. And there's something perfectly magical about meeting a person that you just click with. It's just there. There's no forcing conversation, no figuring out what to talk about, no trying. You're just plain interested in learning about each other. And you feel like you're a little bit at home.
I haven't had the easiest time connecting with people in LA. And while at one point I blamed it on LA, I have to partially take responsibility for the fact that it's about me. As I slowly but surely meet more new and interesting and wonderful people that I am beginning to call my friends, I realize that as I have gotten older, I have become more discerning and more picky. I have incredible friends. Truly amazing. I marvel at the people that I have in my life. I'm not interested in spending my time on something that 's not equal to what I already have.
So when the chemistry happens, I am elated. Truly. I get giddy like a child that I have found a new spirit to play with, to grow with, to learn from. It's definitely akin to a crush of sorts.
And the additional beauty is that in getting to know someone new, you have the opportunity to get to know yourself all over again too. You get to see how you show up in the world at that moment in time. And you get to learn new things from someone new.
I had high standards when I moved to LA. I would argue that I have the best friends in the world. And I feel good that three years later , I can look at the small group in LA that I truly call my friends and know that I'm finding the same inspiring, intelligent, passionate people here that I've found all my life. I'm learning to appreciate the discovery process and know that the right people show up exactly when you need them most. And they find their way into your contacts.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:46 PM 1 comments
Labels: friends, moving to LA
The Beginning
Thursday, August 30, 2007
When I was 13 years old, I lived in the small town of
That evening, my mother was bombarded with phone calls from all the gossips that live in small town America saying, "Joanne, you're moving to
“Honey, why would you tell people that?” my mother asked me.
“Because. " I replied, "I want it to be true…”
9 years later, I graduated from college and set out for the City That Never Sleeps. Armed with my “Streetwise NYC”, I began to wander the streets of
3 and a half years later I met a very charming, adorable boy who lived in
It’s now September 2007 and I’m still a New Yorker through and through. But I still live in LA. When I moved here, I was certain that I would eventually adjust to the extremely different lifestyle. I was convinced that, with time, I would adapt to the endless sunshine, the driving, the plastic surgery, the bizzzzzzzzzness. Three years and several dents on a car I wish I didn’t have to drive later, I still continue to long for home.
But I’m in LA and I’m determined to make the most of my time here. Since my arrival three years ago, I’ve searched high and low for the places that make me feel most at home as well as the things that make me actually like
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 6:09 PM 6 comments
Labels: moving to LA, past
