The things you miss
Sunday, January 27, 2008
I'll tell you what I miss. I miss the energy you get from being on the street. I miss the pulse that drives my body to go, go, go. I miss the stimulation. I miss the buzz I get from the way the air hits my face when I step outside and whips against my cheeks as I pass through the streets, by the buildings. I miss the spontaneity of wherever my feet may take me in that moment, the ease of changing course. I miss the people I may run into that I already know and those I've yet to meet but might - today or tomorrow or possibly next year. I miss that feeling of being wildly aware. I miss the things I don't see more than the things I do. But then I guess that's sort of obvious. If I'm not seeing them...then I'm missing them.
Today I walked a few blocks. Blocks that I've driven at least 365 times - possibly, no most probably, more. I've driven these blocks time and again but today might have been the first time I walked them. And I found new things. I found an amazing gardening store. It's been there the whole time - I just didn't see it. I couldn't see it because I had to keep my eyes on the road in order to make sure that I didn't bump the car in front of me or run a red light or God forbid, hit a pedestrian. So while I keep my eyes on the road, they aren't allowed to explore and experience all the nuanced changes that happen - or even to find things that are old to others but new to me.
In New York, I was forgiven for the times I was so preoccupied by the new windows going up or the calls of "coming soon" that I mistakenly walked directly into another pedestrian. Often, they were just as enthralled as I was...neither of us were paying attention to the "road". When you walk the same streets every day and every night, weaving your way in and out, up and down, for coffee and dinner and drink dates and commutes to work, you notice the newest billboard, the building going up or coming down, the newest crack in the sidewalk. You notice everything. You are wildly aware because you don't have a choice not to be.
I suppose I'm aware in a different sort of way here. I have to keep my eye on the car in front of me, lest I mistakenly bump someone when I'm going 5 mph and have them sue me for $30,000. But that's another story for another time. I have to keep my eyes on the road. And trust me - it's not easy. Do you know they have electronic billboards that change about 5 times in 30 seconds? How are you supposed to keep your eyes on the road when the signs in front of you are begging you not to miss the next ad...wait! oh! It's changing just as you start to pass so don't slow down, just look behind you for another minute because you absolutely positively CAN NOT MISS THIS AD!!! Seriously? This is safe?
But the truth is, I crane my neck anytime I notice something new - a new facade, a new awning, some new construction. I crane my neck for the opportunity to be in the know, to be wildly aware. But then, the road beckons...safety calls my name. Because if I bump into the other person...it ain't gonna be a pedestrian that was looking, too.
So today, I walked. (Of course, I was with 2 of my favorite New Yorkers while I did so.) And I found the most amazing gardening and home goods store. It's about a block and a half from my house. Can you imagine? A block and a half and I didn't even know it was there. And it's not new. It's been there the whole time. All 365 times plus that I drove that street.
I could still tell you most everything within a 10 block radius of my Perry Street apartment and my 45th Street office. I miss being wildly aware.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 11:30 PM
