Take Me Back to Manhattan

Tales of an 8th Grade Nothing
Sunday, August 16, 2009

In 8th grade I slapped Adam Fletcher across the face. I was about 4'10 and being that he was the star of the basketball team, he was significantly taller than 4'10. Adam Fletcher and I "dated" for about 2 minutes. Dated the way you do in 8th grade.

"Wanna go out with me?" and by go out, he meant be his girlfriend to write notes to, meet at lockers and if it lasted long enough, kiss behind the movie theater on the weekends.

"Sure," I responded, giddy to be the flavor of the month for the star of the basketball team.

I don't actually remember how it was that Adam Fletcher and I came to be an item. But I do remember how it ended. It was a short-lived romance. I don't recall how short lived, but short lived enough that I'm pretty certain there was none of that kissing behind the movie theater on the weekend. I'm going to guess that we lasted about 3 or 4 days - tops.

Adam broke up with me and when he did, he proceeded to tell me that he'd actually never really been interested in me in the first place. He only asked me out to get back at his ex-girlfriend who had recently broken is heart and who happened to be my best friend. And it wasn't that he thought she'd be jealous because he was dating me. He figured we were so attached at the hip that by breaking up with me, he would somehow be hurting her the way she had hurt him. This makes absolutely no sense, but I swear to you, this is what he told me. Or rather, this is what he had the person who broke up with me for him tell me.

I was fuming. I didn't really like Adam Fletcher all that much, but I certainly wasn't going to be anyone's pawn in a stupid game of heartache. And so, I marched my 4 foot 10 inch self into the annex after lunch. I tapped Adam Fletcher on the shoulder as he stood at his locker. When he turned around, I peered up at him and said, "I have one thing to say to you...", I smacked him across the face, looked at him long enough to see the look of pure shock and then turned on my heel and walked out of the annex the same way I had come in. I heard him screaming something after me that I believe included some sort of profanity. But I didn't care. I had shown him I was not a pawn in his game of chess.

My next class was Social Studies and Mr Chiango asked to see me in the hall before class started. It had never dawned on me that I could possibly get in trouble for doing what I had done (which was, in fact, HITTING someone at school.) Mr. Chiango lectured me about how I could have really gotten in trouble but even more, I could have gotten hurt. But before he was done with me, he broke into a smile from ear to ear and said, "But good for you kid." and then told me to NEVER EVER do anything stupid like that again.

I walked back into class with a spark in my step. Even the teacher was thrilled with my decision. I don't think I spoke to Adam Fletcher again for the rest of the year until we were "graduating" from Jr. High. He came and sat next to me on the bus and apologized for being such a dick. And then he told me that I had a "great right hook".

I wonder if Adam Fletcher remembers this story and if he does, I wonder if he remembers it the same way that I do. I wonder if Adam Fletcher remembers anything else about me because I can't, for the life of me, remember a thing about him after 8th Grade.

What made me think of Adam Fletcher? Well, he friend requested me on Facebook recently. It made me think about him and I realized that in my mind, Adam Fletcher is still the little shit who asked me to go out with him so he could break up with me to get back at my best friend. But clearly, that's no longer who Adam Fletcher is. I actually have no idea who he is, but I hope he's happy.

It made me think about perceptions, the way we think about people from our past. I know that I am left with the way that I knew them last. But there is always room for change and I can only hope that people that haven't seen me in ages, who don't know me anymore would leave room for me to be a different person than I was when they knew me. And I can only hope that I would do the same for them.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 9:36 PM 4 comments    

Labels: random thoughts

No way out but through.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I. Am. OVERWHELMED. With a capital O in case you missed it there.

I had a babysitter today. For five hours. Sounds great - right? And I got home 20 minutes before it was time for her to leave...thinking I could eat something (since I am starving ALL the time. ALL. I'm never not hungry. I ate an Indian feast for dinner...still hungry. ALWAYS.) I unpacked the car, walked in the front door and was greeted by the pups. Oh yeah, I thought. I have dogs. They need to be walked. Dogs first, eating second.

So I walked the dogs and when I got back in, I decided it would be much faster if I put the car seat and strolled in the car without Evvy in them. So I did that. Dogs, then stroller, then eating. But then I came back in and realized I HAD to change because I was broiling in my outfit. Dogs, then stroller, then change, and then I'll eat. But then I realized it was 1:57 and my sitter was only here until 2 and we had class at 2:30. So eating didn't happen at home.

No. Eating happened at McDonald's. What? You didn't hear me??? MC-freaking-Donald's. That's what I ate today for lunch. Because I was so hungry I was starting to see stars and there is NOT ENOUGH FREAKING TIME IN THE DAY TO EAT ANYMORE. So I ate McDonald's and thought. "Is this really my life? Eating McDonald's on the run???"

Did I mention we're moving? Yeah - in 3 weeks. Oh and did I mention that this just happened a few days ago? So no - I wasn't exactly prepared for it. So we're moving in 3 weeks and my babysitter is going back to college and there is SOOO much crap to do and on top of it, the sleep training, which in general is going amazingly well, seems to have caused me to sleep LESS because I wake up now and feel the need to check on my child since she is no longer waking me up during the night. Ummmm - isn't that the OPPOSITE of what's supposed to happen? I thought her sleeping through the night was supposed to equal me sleeping through the night. Instead I'm starting to feel catatonic. Why am I sitting down to write then? (you ask this because I haven't written more than twice in the past four months. normal question.) BECAUSE APPARENTLY AS SOON AS BEDTIME ROLLS AROUND I'M WIDE AWAKE. Yup. I was up from 12:30 AM to 3 AM last night. Wiiiiiiiide awake. Just as I am now at 10:52. Thinking of all the things I have to do because as soon as I cross three things off my to do list, 5 more pop into my head.

And about that sleep training...Did I mention the fact that I am now being tortured because my daughter initially took to sleep training so well? Yes. She learned to sleep in no time. However, being so well rested allowed her the energy to finally roll over. The problem? She rolls over in her crib and while she sleeps fabulously on her back, she hasn't figure out that she can put her head down while she's on her stomach. So of course, Like the good mother I am, I've been going in and rolling her over and within seconds, she's asleep. But today, it was pointed out that she needs to learn that she can sleep on her stomach. And the only way she'll learn that is if I let her figure it out. Letting her figure it out = much crying in frustration. There goes my good mother theory down the drain. So tonight, I let it go on for as long as I could stand (she fell asleep on her belly for about 45 minutes before waking up again and WAAAAAAAILING) and then I did it - I rolled her over. Two seconds later she was fast asleep. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Tomorrow night I'll try again. I'll let her be frustrated. But I'd had it tonight...I needed to give her a quick fix.

It struck me as I was thinking about this whole process - this is life. You have to cry in frustration before you figure it out. No one can tell you or figure it out for you. They can't protect you from it or do it for you. You have to do it yourself to really learn. And most of the time that's accompanied by a lot of frustration (and often some tears as well.) It doesn't matter if you're learning to roll over, figuring out how to ride a bike, learning how to be in a relationship, trying to get a job or going after the things you've always wanted most. It's really quite simple. You just have to keep reaching through the frustration until you get there. And as long as you don't give up, you will figure it out. So while she cries in frustration as she learns a new skill, I'll have to breathe through my frustration and let her.

Dogs, then stroller, then change, the McDonald's...then breathe. I'm going to try to the move that last one to the front of the list...right after I make sure I eat.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 10:43 PM 0 comments    

Labels: daily, I HAVE a baby, random thoughts

Assorted Rants on A Tuesday
Wednesday, November 12, 2008

This place is supposed to be my "outlet" - so to speak...so I'm outing.

I am having a mini meltdown. It might be because I'm pregnant. It's entirely possible. I mean, I did cry after being yelled at by the director of sales and marketing at Searle NYC. And he was unquestionably a total jackass on the phone - BUT. I'm not so sure it warranted tears. That said, I'm confused about the incident because I wouldn't say I've been overly emotional in the past five months. Or perhaps I've just lost all perspective, gone entirely insane and I've actually been a total nut case. Clearly I've lost my ability for self-awareness.

Why did this person yell at me, you ask? That's a great question and one I will gladly answer. You see, I purchased a pair of boots from the Searle NYC website a few weeks ago. I had been eyeing them and I was in desperate need of a new pair of black boots. These were exactly what I had been looking for, so I decided to order them. I have become quite the promo code sleuth and when I found one for 20% off, I ordered them PRONTO. I love a good bargain (as you know given my proclivity toward Jewish tourettes.) The boots came and were not quite what I had in mind - they were slouchy, and I was looking for good old fashioned straight up and down boots. When I looked on the site, I noticed they had the SAME EXACT style at what was considered 3/4 height. The reason they slouched was because I am short and so there was too much boot for them to stand up straight on my legs. So I saw 3/4 and figured they'd be perfect. I sent away for an exchange. I'd been told that I'd receive an email letting me know when the boots had been received and when my new ones went out. They received the boots I was returning on 10/21. I know this from my UPS tracking number - not because the company emailed me as they had promised. I emailed them 5 days later to check in and still heard nothing. So I called to find out where the hell my boots were and also to tell them that, at this point, I didn't really want the boots anymore. Last Thursday I received an email from the director of sales and marketing telling me they'd already sent out my boots 2 day mail and he'd send me the tracking number (which, by the by, he never did.) The boots arrived yesterday. The boots do not fit over my pregnant calves. Not even close. Oh well...I tried. I emailed the director this morning for a return authorization code. The slip in the box was marked final sale, which I knew must have been a mistake since I would NEVER purchase final sale shoes that I hadn't tried on. N.E.V.E.R.

The response I got was the following:

Michelle,

I believe you ordered these on the people magazine promo. Everything purchased at a discount on our website and our store is a final sale. It states it on the site. On line we accommodate exchanges. So you can exchange for anything in the store or online, whether it has a size or not.

Of course, I went IMMEDIATELY to the website to find this statement. I berated myself the entire time. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO FOOLISH?!?!?? What the hell was I thinking? It was no bargain if I couldn't return the freaking shoes! And what's a pregnant lady going to buy in a clothing store (especially when that money should be put toward other boots or saved for her unborn child?) I continued to yell at myself in my own head until I arrived at the Searle website and saw the following written clearly at the bottom of the check out page:

All sale merchandise can be exchanged for merchandise of equal or greater value.

Ok. Fine. Sale Merchandise is not the same as items purchased at a discount. Not at ALLLLLL. I stopped yelling at myself and called the gentleman who had responded to me above. I went in with a smile on my face, knowing I would get further if I started out the interaction being nice.

"Hi Rick, this is Michelle. I just received your email and I wanted to chat with you."

"Uh huh."

"Well, I took a look at your website. And while it states clearly that sale items can only be exchanged, it doesn't make mention of promo..."

"MICHELLE!" he interrupted me, "You can't return them. You used a promo code, you bought an item on sale. You are welcome to exchange the shoes."

"Well, I actually didn't buy an item on sale. I used a promo code to get a discount on an item. There's a diff..."

"MICHELLE!" he raised his voice to me again, "You're talking semantics here. There's no difference. I've never had a problem with this before."

"Yes Rick. We are talking semantics. But when you're writing something on your site, then semantics are actually important. And to be honest, I called you being perfectly pleasant, wanting to discuss the matter with you, and now you are raising your voice to me and actually being quite rude."

Which is, indeed, what happened. I called this man, wanting to have a conversation, and he literally jumped down my throat. He snapped back at me when I told him he was being rude and told me, once again, that I was talking semantics. That seemed to be his only go-to defense.I told him that I would be happy to contest the charge on my credit card and happy to speak to a lawyer (not that I would hire one, by the way, but my best friend is a lawyer and a damn fine one who would let me know if I had a leg to stand on, but it did seem to me that legalese is all ABOUT semantics so his argument could be used directly against him...) He told me to go right ahead. I asked to speak with someone above me. He told me there WASN'T anyone above him. I got off the phone.

And started to cry.

WHAT THE HELL!?!? Listen, I may have been wrong...but there was absolutely NO REASON (especially if I WAS wrong) that this douchebag should be raising his voice to me! In fact, if it was clear and concise on the website, I would imagine that he would have kindly directed me to the page where I could find the information that I had missed when I bought the merchandise and showed me my mistake. Instead, he tore into me...WHO TAUGHT HIM ABOUT CUSTOMER SERVICE????

I'm still working on this. I called the corporate office and got the name of the owner of the company who I tried to get in touch with for a couple of days and after not being able to reach her directly, I wrote her a damn good letter which I faxed off this morning. And look, I might not get a refund...but no one, NO ONE, especially in customer service, should be speaking to a customer that way. And I want someone to know that's how I was treated by their director of marketing and sales. And I'd also like my money back.

I mean...am I nuts? Do any of you think of a promo code as being an item on sale??? Please. Feel free to tell me that I'm wrong.

Then there's the fact that people seem to think that it's ok to tell you how big/swollen/fat you look when you're pregnant. The fat comment was meant as a joke (I think?!?) but it still wasn't ok. Trust me...I spend a lot of time every day reminding myself that my body is beautiful as it becomes increasingly difficult for me to bend over to pick something up. I don't even want to get into how it feels to roll to my other side in the middle of the night (but I will say that if someone invented a device that would do all the work and get me from my left to my right and back again every few hours or so, I would pay a LOT of money for it.) I know people think that when you're pregnant you KNOW you're going to get bigger so it's OK for them to say, "WOW! You got bigger overnight!" And they literally mean overnight when you are away for a wedding weekend. And for the record, this was NOT one of the times that I had actually grown overnight. Trust me - if anyone notices when I grow overnight, it's me. I especially love the people who haven't see you and say, "WOW! Look at your stomach." Yes, look at my stomach - it's big. BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT.

What's interesting is the number of absolute strangers I've had telling me how beautiful I look. I went to Bloomingdales on Saturday and I left feeling like I was on cloud 9. Everywhere I went, in the parking garage waiting for the elevator, at the makeup counter returning something, at the Jo Malone counter buying something, on the escalator up...people kept telling me that I was an adorable pregnant person or that I just looked radiant. I'm not bragging. Or at least I don't mean to be. It just felt SOOOOOOOOO good to hear. (Sidenote sally: My husband tells me I'm beautiful all the time. Pretty much every day. He has never once told me I look big - only beautiful. Men - you should do this if you're wife is pregnant. Even if he doesn't mean it, it's very smart of him.) But it was so nice - instead of hearing that I looked big or swollen - to hear that I looked good. And from total and complete strangers. It was a breath of fresh air. So if you see a pregnant woman today, tell her she looks great. It will truly MAKE her day. Especially if she feels like the state puffed marshmallow woman.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:45 PM 1 comments    

Labels: random thoughts, things that get me riled up, we're having a baby, yeah...i'm a little bit crazy

Thoughts for Monday lifted from the back of my Starbucks cup
Monday, November 3, 2008

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 10:37 AM 0 comments    

Labels: daily, musings on life, random thoughts

Anyone out there??
Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hellooooo? Are you there? It's me. Meesh. Yes. It's actually me. Writing an actual post.

I've been gone a long time. I mean, I know I've been around...poking my head in here and there in between Burma sagas. But really? I haven't written a whole lot since July. And there's actually a reason for that.

Which I'm not going to tell you.

KIDDING. I'm kidding.

Secrets are hard to keep. Whether they're of the "my life is falling apart and I don't want you to know" variety or "I'm so excited I'm going to explode but I can't tell you yet" variety. They both - in their own ways - leave you avoiding the people you love the most because there's not much else on your mind besides that secret.

"How are you?"

"Fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine. Not much to tell." when you really want to say:

"My life sucks. I'm miserable. Absolutely miserable. Pretty much everything has gone to hell. Crying has become my biggest extra curricular activity and I wish I could crawl in a hole and shrivel up."

OR

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. Every thing's great. Just rolling along. Really terrific. Not much to tell." when what you really want to say is:

"UMMMMMMMMMMM...I'M PREGNANT!!!!"

I'm pregnant. 19 weeks pregnant to be exact. I've been slowly going public over the past 7 weeks or so with some hitches in the middle (which I'll share along the way as I started to write while I was keeping this secret in so that I would have SOME sort of outlet.) I would have written about it sooner, but Burma was a way for me to be here and have a presence without having to try to figure out what the hell I was going to talk about when all I really wanted to say waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas, "I'M PREGNANT!!!"

At the beginning of all of this, I wished that I was blognonymous. But people I am related to, have known for years, work with read this blog. And therefore, I had to keep it a secret.

I promise this is not going to turn into a pregnancy blog. I don't promise that I'll never write about it but it won't be all that I write about either.

Aaaah. I feel relieved that I don't have to just say "I'm fine. Great. Couldn't be better" anymore...

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 2:00 PM 4 comments    

Labels: daily, musings on life, random thoughts

MIA
Thursday, July 17, 2008

I'm not feeling it these days. I mean, I'm feeling lots of things. But my attempt to put the thoughts swirling in my head into words on a page has found me staring aimlessly at my screen wondering what I was attempting to do in the first place.

And it's not just that I feel like my writing sucks (because as some of you know - or at least I know - I am an overly critical person on my best days and downright judgmental of and hard on myself on my worst.) It's that nothing is coming out. Nothing.

I can't even come up with a list of things I could write about. My head is spinning with the already memories of our trip, making plans for the holidays (yes, I am a totally neurotic and insane planner. I own it.) among other trips, trying to decide if we should get Thursday a friend to keep her company because as fabulous as we are, only dogs speak dog.

And yet, amidst all this, I've been remarkably present. Remarkably in the now. Remarkably aware of the lack of control I have over MOST of the things in my life. And remarkably, I've been ok with all of this.

It's leaving me with little angst and perhaps that's where my lack of intelligent prose has been locked away. With my angst. I can't say I miss it so much. I'm enjoying it. But I know me and you know me and of course the angst will return. Probably with an insane vengeance.

I hope, however, that my ability to write shows up again before the angst. Until then, I'll keep staring until it hits me, as it did today, to acknowledge the fact that I've been very MIA.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 6:02 PM 3 comments    

Labels: daily, on bloggers and blogging, random thoughts

Pasta Month?!?!?!?
Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I love when I go back and re-read my posts AFTER I post them and find that I write things like "in the pasta month". Pasta Month. Heh.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 2:51 PM 2 comments    

Labels: random thoughts

So Hum
Thursday, May 22, 2008

I write the best blog posts in yoga. When I'm in warrior two and I'm not supposed to be thinking of anything at all, these amazing blog posts come into my head. And as I hear the teacher say, "Just notice the thoughts and let them go...clear your mind." I end up thinking, "NO! NO! I don't want to clear my mind!! I need to remember this...it came beCAUSE I had a clear mind...but now I need to remember so that I can actually WRITE when I get home...

But then I leave yoga, and the writing is no more. My brain is suddenly completely void of the seemingly brilliant thoughts that were flowing through my head as my body flowed through a vinyasa.

I love how spell check tells me that I've spelled that last word wrong. It's suggestions are as follows: Kirinyaga
vinyls
vineyards

WHAT THE HELL IS KIRINYAGA? They know the word Kirinyaga and they don't know the word vinyasa? Someone needs to bring spellcheck into the 21st century.

Anyhow, my brain has been busy - finishing a paper for class, planning trips to Barcelona, getting ready to go to Napa. It hasn't had much time to come up with anything great to write about here. It hasn't really felt so inclined. Except, of course, mid-yoga.

You know how, as a child, anytime you were told something was off limits, you wanted to do it more? I think that's what my brain does during yoga. It's told to just be...and it starts out that way. It takes on the meditation "So Hum." So on the inhale, Hum on the exhale. I am truth. But then So Hum starts to become ho hum...and my brain starts to think. Involuntarily!! That's the moment when I realize that I made two appointments at the same time for next Thursday. That's the time when I remember that I missed someone's birthday or that it's in two days. That's the time when I remember the thought that I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME get back during my conversation the night before. And lately, it's been the time that I write blog posts. If my brain could mentally telepathize those posts here, you'd be riveted.

But in the meantime, you'll have to trust that someday, those thoughts will come back and they'll materialize here. Until then, I'm off to Napa for the weekend. I'm sure I'll have much to discuss upon my return.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:11 PM 1 comments    

Labels: daily, random thoughts, yoga

Things I want
Monday, April 7, 2008

There are a lot of things I want right now. And we're strictly talking material items here. I would venture to say there's a significantly deeper post residing behind this one...but I'm not in the mood to go there today. Today, I just feel like talking about the totally shallow desires that I'm having right now.


Shallow desire #1: Chanel makeup palette in Lumiere Naturelle. The perfect combo of 4 neutral eyes shadows, a peachy-pinky blush, and 4 glosses that would flatter anyone...especially me!

Shallow desire #2: Revale skincare night cream. It's my mother's fault that I want $100 skin cream. And to that end, I both blame her and thank her for the fact that I like nice things. A lot. She recommended this fabulous cream that is chockful of coffeeberry extract...apparently supposed to be some miracle antioxidant that will make my currently dull complexion glow. For now, a few strategically placed sparkles will have to suffice.

Shallow desires #3,4,5 & 6: A new bag. I love my current bag but it's too damn heavy before I put any of my crap in it...Can you imagine what happens once I throw in a couple of scripts, my wallet, a makeup bag and all the other ridiculous things that live in my purse? Ooooh - that's interesting. What's in my purse?

let's discuss:

In front pocket 1: keys. work place ID badge. Ticket stub from Charlie Bartlett at the Arclight. Super cute movie btw. Highly enjoyable. I recommend for a mindless, fun diversion. several business cards. Euros from our honeymoon last summer that were stuck inside my passport which I found when I sent my passport in to be renewed. And btw, I've totally made money on these Euros since the dollar has gotten WAY weaker since we were there. This is not a good thing, but the fact that I've made money is. A pot of Smith's rosebud salve - my lipsaver.

In front pocket 2: Aquaphor - also for my lips. Yu-be skin cream. Hands down the best hand cream ever. No pun intended. Barnes and Noble member card. What is this doing in the pocket? great question. A pen.

In large inside pouch 1: Sunglasses case. Change purse holding change for my meters. Bach Rescue Remedy Natural Pastilles. a hair elastic. Pack of travel tissues. menu of services from El Leon where I had an UNBELIEVABLE thai massage two weeks ago that literally fixed aches and pains that I've had for over 2 months. Earplugs.

Large inside pouch 2: Wallet...which is essentially a mini purse in and of itself. checkbook. another hair elastic. Extra passport photos. matches from Dominick's restaurant. A chanel powder brush. Hot pink lancome makeup pouch housing my daily essentials that attempt to make my skin glow since I'm without Revale skin cream right now. Tweezers.

And lastly, large pouch 3 (see? this is a big bag. And if it's heavy empty, then just imagine what it's like FULL!!!) A second pair of fabulous sunglasses from Forever 21. They sort of have a Jackie O look. And they were 5 bucks. Love them. A few pieces of mail that I'm supposed to take care of today at work. (Good thing I decided to go through my bag!) Gift cards to Nordstrom, Bloomingdales, and Neiman Marcus from our wedding. (I suppose all of which could be used to purchase these things that I want...but I'm saving them to get the last remaining items off of our registry that we really want). Why am I carrying them around with me you ask? I've been at these places too many freaking times and wanted to just take care of registry stuff, but I don't have the damn cards on me. So now I carry them with me so I don't have that issue. And lastly, 2 scripts that I read over the weekend of writers who would like to staff on a show for next season.

See, part of the reason my current bag is so heavy is because there's so much room for me to shove stuff in it. That's not to say that if I had the pleasure of owning any of the below, there wouldn't be equally as much shoving room. BUT. There is one difference and it's MAJOR.

These bags are light. Light as a feather. They are SO light on my shoulder that I barely even notice that they are there.

I was about to tell you about these bags, but before I do, can we talk about something for a moment? When the hell did things get so expensive. I mean clothes and shoes and bags and things like that. I mean, clothes are FREAKING expensive. My pocketbook can not POSSIBLY keep up with my taste these days. I went into Anthropologie last week and they had a five HUNDRED dollar dress. Since when did Anthropologie start carrying $500 items of clothing??? Seriously! There used to be a time where you could go to certain stores and at least feel safe looking at everything because everything in the store fell within a certain price range. Anthropologie was one of thsoe stores...I felt safe. Until I spied the 500 dollar dress. And this was no evening gown. This was your average, every day, adorably run of the mill dress. For 500 bucks. The world is ending.

Which brings me to bags. I know that the Gucci's and Chanel's and Prada bags of the world have always been expensive. But now it's all just insane. So no judgement on the cost of these bags...all I'm saying is I like them. And I want them. I'm not saying I'm going to have them. Meanwhile, how is it that every freaking woman on the west coast seems to walk down the street with these $1000 bags? Sometimes people have more than 1! They have 2 or 3 that they alternate. This baffles me.

The first 2 bags are Francesco Biasia. I saw the first one at Bloomingdales this weekend - it comes in this size and a larger size and I tried both on my shoulder and couldn't decide which size I wanted. Good thing I didn't actually have to make the choice since I knew I was walking out empty handed...

Shallow want #3 - The Francesco Biasia Straw SatchelShallow want #4 - Francesco Biasia Adah Satchel. I saw this one in NYC a few weeks ago. This was the first time that I realized it was really time for a new bag. While the knots in my shoulders have existed for weeks in LA, It was carrying the bag around the city for hours at a time that made me realize that I could be a slave to both fashion and my body if I decided to start carrying a lighter bag. I tried this one on and fell a little bit in love...although not as in love as I fell wiiiiiiiiiith....


Shallow want #5: Rebecca Minkoff Market Bag. I saw it in Black which I loved...but I like this dusty color they have at Bloomie's as well although it's not as versatile. I heart this bag with a capital H. It might be the perfect bag - light as a feather leather with just enough great pockets inside and out for all of the ridiculous odds and ends that I tote around, but not sooooooo many that I don't know where things are. I keep searching every day to see if it goes on sale. In which case I still won't be able to afford it since sale for a bag that starts at $675 doesn't really fall into the bargain range. This is one of those "when I get a job that pays me double what I'm making now I'm buying this for myself as a gift" bags.

Shallow want #6: Discovered today while perusing Bluefly. This is one of those bags that goes from the outrageous price of $695 to the bargain basement price of $415...see what I'm talking about? Sale, shmale. Maybe if it goes on sale from the sale, we can talk. But it sure is cute. okay...I'm off the bags. At least for this current edition of I want...off the bags and ontooooooooooo SHOES!!!!!

Shallow want #7: These Tory Burch wedges are everything a girl could want and desire in a shoe. The flats hurt me...not enough arch support. I need a little lift, but it would be nice to wear something that's not 3 inches as well. These are the perfect solution...except for the little fact that they come with the price tag of $275. Mom, if you're feeling charitable, the only size they have left on Saks.com is a 7...MY SIZE!!! AND, they're giving triple points for shopping online only until April 9! You still have 24 hours...



For the days I'm feeling far less practical, there's Shallow want #8. These fabulous Cole Haan heels in bright yellow. I love a great, bright colored shoe...it makes any outfit pop. And despite their 4 inch heel, these sunflower yellow shoes are fully equipped with a Nike air sole, making them shockingly comfortable. How do I know this? Easy. I tried them on at Bloomie's this weekend...when they were 30% off their steep price tag. However, I practiced tremendous self restraint and did not use our wedding gift cards to purchase these impractical beauties. Part of the reason that I was able to practice such self restraint is that I was showing kindness to my worn out shoulders and had switched bags...which meant that the gift cards were at home. It's a good thing too...Shallow want #9: J Brand Lovestory jeans. The lovestory is between me and the way these jeans fit my ass. Seriously, these babies are perfectly named. This is the one item on the list that I have moved to the top of my "you should make this purchase" list given that the cost/wear ratio of jeans is amazing. I'd say at the end of the life of a pair of jeans, I've paid about 25 cents per wearing. Now that I mention that, that's probably pretty true for bags as well. Interesting.

Anyhow. I love these jeans. I've tried them on on skinny days, I've tried them on on fat days. They look good every time. These are my next big purchase. Of course that might not happen for 6 months, but hey - I'm ready.
Off of clothes and on to more practical items...Shallow want #10!!!!! The no!no! hair remover from Sephora. I'm dying to have this. This thing is supposed to eliminate 65% of body hair (unwanted in case you weren't clear...meaning not my eyebrows or the hair on top of my head) with repeated use. And on top of that, it doesn't hurt. Nope. Not one little bit. AND it's easy to use. If you are a man, you might not understand the beauty of a product like this (for which, by the by, I have read several positive reviews from pedestrian users that haven't been paid by the company) but this is one to add to the top of my list.

And now on to home goods from aforementioned Anthropologie. I actually don't go into Anthropologie for clothing all that much anymore. I usually go to admire the selection of cookbooks, the kitschy new dishes and glassware, and yes...the gorgeous furnishings. We'll start small with Shallow want #11. $150 for a shower curtain is outrageous, but I still love this one. It's pretty without being overly feminine and it just sort of feels like it would make me smile every time I walked into my bathroom. It's got a whole flora y fauna thing going on and I love it. I'd love it more if I could get it at Target for $19.99...Next up on the Anthropologie covet list is shallow want #12 - this fabulous upholstered headboard. We need a headboard. Everything you ever read in the Feng Shui world says it's imperative to have a headboard - that it's a symbol of stability. I think it's time for us to get a headboard...and I really like this one. Plus, the suggest a headboard with curves in it for artistic people...which we both are. Hmmm...this want might not be so shallow afterall... I'll keep telling myself that.Last on the list of Anthropologie shallow wants is this amazing dresser - shallow want #13. I have been in love with this dresser for 2+ years. I stare at it longingly, dreaming of the day when we buy our first home and I decorate our bedroom to match this dresser. It's just...perfection in the form of a dresser. Don't you think? I pray that Anthropologie carries this just long enough for me to buy it...AAnd lest you think that I am entirely unpractical in nature, I' ve got my final shallow wants that are actually on the list for when I receive my next Bed, Bath, and Beyond 20% off coupons in the mail...

Shallow want #14...this faboo Simple Human fliptop dishrack - there's a special knife block for my Shun knives (the joy of having amaaaaaazing knives in the kitchen is beyond words. Truly). There are stem racks on the side for drying my wine glasses. I like compartments. I like tools that make it clear where each thing should go for maximum drying efficiency. Bottom line, I really like this dish rack. Shallow want #15 -- this one sort of doesn't count because I already bought one set for myself and I'm going out to get another one this weekend but you should all have these hangers. Seriously. Use your 20% off Bed Bath coupon and go get them. With the coupon it's $30 for 50 hangers and they are incredible. My small closet was become difficult to maneuver. I couldn't see anything - it all felt stuffed in. Until I found these. They claim to provide three times more closet space which I thought was absolutely ridiculous...until I saw it for myself. My once cluttered closet is now a sight for sore eyes. Except my eyes don't get sore because I can actually see my clothes! And as if that weren't enough, they have a lovely velvety no-slip surface with indents for straps on every hanger. I'm totally and completely in love. They're called ultra slim flocked hangers and if I were you, I would run...not walk. There's not much for me to want in the kitchen department since I got married last May (ummm...it's been almost a year. Which is crazy. But we'll discuss that another day) and I next to my husband, Williams-Sonoma is my first love. Honestly...there's no store I love more. And I wouldn't give up any of my kitchen stuff to have any of those bags or shoes. I might find one or two things I'd trade for the jeans and the dresser but it would be hard.

Now? I just want more cookbooks. Right now, these 2 are at the top of my list and I'm not considering this a shallow want since my cooking will benefit not only myself, but all those who get to eat my yummy food. Right?

So these are on the top of my list:

The only of the barefoot collection that I don't have. And since the rest have been incredible, I feel I must have this one as well...



This book is interesting to me because I love chefs and I love getting inside of their heads. I want to know what they like to eat and since this book deals with the meals they would choose to be their last and the recipes to accompany, it seems like a natural to add to my collection.
And lastly, I've become an Alice Waters devotee...I'm loving the sheer simplicity of her dishes. She instructs exactly how to compliment the natural flavors of food. So this would be an ideal addition as well.

And perhaps, my bank account would be bigger and all of this would closer to my fingertips if I could have this last thing I want:



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and



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without all of this:



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in between.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:53 PM 3 comments    

Labels: lists, random thoughts

Random musings from a jaunt to Starbucks
Tuesday, March 4, 2008

I grabbed a coffee before a meeting last night. Well, it was actually a tall nonfat extra hot decaf mocha and no, I can't say that or write it without laughing at how ridiculous that sounds. Clearly I was at Starbucks (not Coffee Bean because many of you know how i feel about that). So I'm waiting for my ridiculous cofee extravaganza and there's a book called "Beautiful Boy" sitting there as part of the whole Starbucks move to not only rule the world of coffee but also the world of entertainment. (And for the record, I do prefer the indie coffee establishments but every so often, I succumb to convenience.)

SO. I pick up this book, Beautiful Boy, which is a father's account of his son's struggles with meth addiction. I take a look at the inside flap and get sucked in. The book is an expansion of an article that Sheff wrote in the NY Times Magazine about how his "good kid" turned to a life of drug addiction and Sheff's OWN struggle with being addicted to saving his child. I'm already in and then I read this quote:

"Sheff's story is honest, reflective and deeply moving. Sadly, it is a story all too relevant for our troubled times. When one of us tells the truth, he makes it easier for all of us to open our hearts to our own pain and to that of others. That’s ultimately what Beautiful Boy is about: truth and healing." --Mary Pipher, Author of Writing to Change the World and Reviving Ophelia

I read it again. When one of us tells the truth, he makes it easier for all of us to open our hearts to our own pain and to that of others. I love this woman. I love this man for not being afraid to share himself so that others can feel less alone. I have been thinking about this since I read it last night.

Is it as true for all of you as it is for me? That at the end of the day, all I really want is to be surrounded by truth rather than smoke and mirrors and walls of perfection.

That's all.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 12:17 PM 4 comments    

Labels: introspection, musings on life, random thoughts

Classifieds
Monday, February 25, 2008

LOST: the ability to sit patiently while waiting for life to proceed as planned at a pace that I sometimes have no control over. If patience is found, please return it to owner as quickly as possible. In fact, if you can let me borrow some of yours, I would greatly appreciate it.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:52 PM 2 comments    

Labels: musings on life, random thoughts

Not quite ripe for posting
Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I've been a little inconsistent lately. You can take that to mean whatever you want.

It's not so much that I don't have anything to say as it is that I've got so many things and not a lot of time to sit and sort through them effectively. I've been up and down and back up again - sometimes in a single day. I'm having intense conversations - the kind that help you grow and see new perspectives. I'm learning new things about people in my life and about myself - some of them amazing, others I wouldn't mind not knowing. (The things, not the people, although occasionally I come across one of those too.)

I'm busy at work which means that my head is actually getting more creative but with less time to sort through it and get it on the page. I think once this week is over and I'm less jet lagged, I'll get back on track. But I'm finding myself enjoying where I am more and more these days rather than thinking about where I'll end up. I'm going to sit in this moment and enjoy it, allowing myself to take it all in and process before I spill it back out.

So for tonight, I'm continuing to mull - the day's events, the week's events, the year's events thus far - and I'm not going to comment on any of it quite yet. Because the thoughts aren't quite ripe. But when they are, I promise to give you something juicy.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 10:45 PM 1 comments    

Labels: daily, random thoughts

Disappointment
Tuesday, February 5, 2008

There are not many things that are more disappointing in life than getting to the center of a tootsie pop way earlier than you're supposed to.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 2:59 PM 2 comments    

Labels: food and drink, random thoughts

This Post Will Make Your Mouth Water...and other random thoughts
Friday, February 1, 2008

I am going home to make a devil dog cake. I found the recipe this afternoon while half watching the horror that is 27 Dresses. Can someone...anyone...PUH-LEASE explain to me how on EARTH this movie got made. While you're at it, can you tell me how it was directed by a WOMAN??? Who probably made a LOT of money from directing a major motion picture that quite frankly SUCKED MY ASS. I mean...seriously...I'm all for the romantic comedy but seriously. HOW?

And while we're at it, can we discuss the Eva Longoria film that's coming out this weekend? I don't even need to see Over Her Dead Body to tell you it's the worst thing I've ever seen. It's the worst preview I've ever seen. I'm baffled and incensed.

Not really. It's just fun to say. What's MORE fun is perusing cooking magazines while watching aforementioned horror and finding the following recipes which I will be making over the neext few weeks:
Chocolate-Caramel Sandwich Cookies
Guinness Icecream with chocolate covered pretzels. I mean seriously. This one is GENIUS
Spaghetti with spinach, tomatoes, and goat cheese
Grilled cheese with onion jam, taleggio, and escarole
Brown butter and Peanut Brittle Icecream

aaaaaaand aforementioned Devil Dog Cake. I know. You want to come over for dinner. And also several desserts. Of course, none of these cover what I'll be cooking tomorrow evening with my friend Amy which is what I was looking for -, so I'll have to go home and do some further cookbook perusing.

Oh - and just in case anyone cares...I am in LOVE with this kitchen. I can't wait to have an island that everyone can sit around and drink wine whilst I cook and also drink wine. That might be my idea of heaven. Can you imagine that island spread with Bon Appetits and Food and Wines and Barefoot Contessa Cookbooks and me and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc on a Sunday afternoon? Divine.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:01 PM 0 comments    

Labels: daily, food and drink, random thoughts

Food for thought
Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sometimes I go back and read old posts and have to wonder what I was thinking. I mean, isn't writing as a means of communication supposed to allow you to go back and read the words again, ensuring no spelling errors, clarity (and hopefully, occasionally, wit). There are moments when I realize that I thought I was being witty at the time but upon second reading realize that I clearly was not. At all. Other times it's I realize I actually sound sort of dumb when what I know I was trying to say is actually quite smart. Or at least not dumb.

Yesterday I wrote that the night before I had been sitting with friends watching Deal or No Deal trying to figure out the banker's strategy. Perhaps you breezed over this or perhaps you said, "ummm - there's not much 'figuring' to this strategy" (which is what I would have said if I'd been reading my own post.) I mean, this is not brain surgery. The banker's strategy is pretty obvious. The better your chances of winning the millions, the higher his offer is. It doesn't take a genius or even a third grader to know this. But that's not what I meant. What I meant was that we were trying to figure out exactly what we thought the banker was going to offer each time. And to determine the odds of the person winning more money than the banker had offered. I know - who cares.

But this got me to thinking about communication - when I write, when I speak, when I listen. I wonder how often we actually say what we mean. I think that we think we say what we mean a lot. But I wonder how often we truly do. There's so much miscommunication, he said she said,
games of semantics. We think we're being to the point and succinct and clear but the other person walks away with an entirely different impression of what went on.

Is this because people are just different? See the world in different ways? Comprehend and process in different ways? Or is it because people often don't listen well. Or perhaps they hear what they want to. Or is it because we're actually saying something other than we truly mean?

Clearly, this is different than me discussing the banker and his strategy. That's a cut and dry case with lack of proper elaboration or explanation. But when someone "misunderstands you", do you ever wonder why or how? Things seem fine with a friend come to find out 2 months later that they've been furious with you. Your boss thinks he asked you to do something one way when you swear he asked you to do it another. You've explained why something isn't possible to someone what feels like 75 times, but they continue to ask again and again.

Wow. All of this because I realized I sounded like a total dummy.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 1:58 PM 0 comments    

Labels: daily, random thoughts

I'm baaaaaaack
Thursday, November 29, 2007

I'm back and there are many, MANY things to discuss upon my return - so much so that I am mildly overwhelmed by where I should begin. There's too much to put all in one post so I'll start with the basics...

Puerto Rico was lovely and tropical, relaxing and refreshing. While it wasn't my favorite tropical destination, I'm hard up to knock any place with gorgeous turquoise waters and the sound of the waves hitting the sand. I slept a lot, read a lot and swam in the salty blue sea. It was fabulous and I think we should all take more vacations more often. It gives the brain time to rest and to fully appreciate what life is about.

Of course I am now suffering from back pain from the 8+ hours of flying that we did on the way back. If there's any way to undo all the good a vacation does for your physical body, it's to get on a freaking airplane. And here's another of course - if we lived in NYC, then the flight would be a mere 3.5 hours (not to mention direct) as opposed to the 2 flights we had to take totally 10 hours if you include our layover time. I can find 50 million things wrong with LAX not the least of which is the fact that every other airport seems to have the ability to get our luggage out within 20 minutes of landing but we inevitably end up waiting 45 minutes at LAX every time we have to check luggage (some of which they lost and when found, took it upon themselves to deliver to us at 3:30 in the freaking morning.)

And now I'm back at work - sans the work since there's very much still a writer's strike going on. I'm headed to the Grove for lunch where the gargantuan Christmas tree will have to do as a sorry substitute for Rockefeller Center. And as I walk over without a coat, I'll wish I had a reason to wear a scarf and a hat...

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 12:09 PM 0 comments    

Labels: random thoughts, west coast prejudice

Swimming Upstream
Sunday, November 11, 2007

Sometimes it feels as though there's nothing else to do but swim slowly and painstakingly upstream. The shore is there...you could get out...but you'll never know if you could have made it all the way. So you keep on swimming - no matter how hard the tide, no matter how exhausted you get, no matter how much you want to stop. You keep on swimming...because at a certain point it has to get easier. Doesn't it?

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 9:26 PM 0 comments    

Labels: musings on life, random thoughts

Random thoughts
Sunday, November 4, 2007

I've now started (and not finished) three posts. My mind is in several other places and none of them are here, in Los Angeles, sitting in front of the computer. I'm scattered and I'm going to go with it...

Tomorrow morning I'll have to drive through a picket line. I'm not sure if the picketer's signs will say anything because, after all, they're not supposed to write.

I had far too much wine last night at a gluttonous dinner and woke up with a bit of a hangover. For a long time I felt upset that my body couldn't handle what it used to because it was a function of getting older. But now I feel grateful that my body is older...older and wiser. But I wouldn't have done anything differently last night - how do you turn down wine pairings with an outrageous nine course tasting menu - at a friend's HOME? You don't.

Village Pizza's not as good as it used to be.

I am sort of happy about daylight savings although it felt like it was 10 PM at 6 PM tonight. But I am looking forward to the sun coming up at 6 AM making it easier for me to get out of bed and get to my newly found spinning classes.

The pumpkin scones at Starbucks are really good.

This place should be called Lost Angeles.

I met some really cool people yesterday at lunch. Rachel is thinking of moving here from NYC...reminded me to take this blog back to my first year of ups and downs and searching and learning. Ryan lives in Chicago...he's writing a book. Do you know that Native Americans plan based on how it will effect the next 7 generations? Ryan is in urban planning and they use that theory. Pretty cool.

No one's life is exactly what it seems.

We all need to be a little gentler with each other. I find that the most judgmental people are being equally as judgmental of themselves. When you're upset with someone, communicate it to them. But don't freak out over every little thing...if someone is in your life and you love them and they love you, then chances are that more often than not, they would never intentionally hurt you. And remember that you have unintentionally hurt others in your life. None of us are perfect. Learn to forgive. Don't hold grudges.

I have heartburn.

I've been having some really crazy dreams...about my grandmother, my dog, my wedding bands, and forests. Not all together.

I'm absolutely exhausted. Tomorrow is a new day...a day where I have to drive through a picket line. Oy.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 7:47 PM 0 comments    

Labels: random thoughts

Leavin' on a jet plane
Thursday, October 18, 2007

So with strikes looming and pseudo-musical tv shows premiering, I have been a crazy little woman without much time to write...and tonight I'm off to my home away from home, LAX, to go to Knoxville for a dear friend's wedding this weekend. Before I go I'll leave you with this for next week - Coffee Bean or Starbucks or something in between? As a New Yorker, I've had immense trouble with the Coffee Bean of it all, but other's from the coast that is not west were in love at first sight. Different folks - we'll discuss next week. Have a great weekend and if I find a computer I'll post from Tennessee...

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 8:57 PM 0 comments    

Labels: random thoughts