Showing posts with label daily. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daily. Show all posts

I'm baaaaack
Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Oh wait - I don't want to make any grand statements yet. I might be back. I'm trying to be back. I have no idea how often I'll be on here or how high the quality of my writing will be. I've decided not to set any goals for myself since I tend to rebel against things like that and I figure there's no quicker way to make sure that I don't show up than to say I'm going to write x number of times a week, a month, etc. etc. etc...

But, as you can see, I'm trying to get back into this writing thing again. I had a little encouragement (thanks for letting me know I was missed) and I've been meaning to do something to get my brain working outside of mommy-hood a bit so I figured there was, to quote one of my favorite musicals, no day like today.

I've also been contemplating the name of this thing...when I started this blog, I was pretty focused on getting back to Manhattan. And while it's still a dilemma in our lives as a family, I've found myself sort of nicely settled in LA. Is it weird to have a blog called "Take Me Back to Manhattan" and rarely talk about Manhattan or going back?

Anyhow, that's all for tonight. My child threw a 30 minute tantrum over a popsicle before she went to bed and I think I've done about as much thinking as I possibly can for today. But I just wanted to say thanks to those who have let me know that they're glad I'm writing again (and of course, those that encouraged me to do so in the first place.) I can't tell you how much it means to know that even one person is interested in reading what I have to say...

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 7:57 PM 0 comments  

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parenting in a nutshell
Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The following is a conversation I had with my good friend, Stacey, recently:

Me: So we started Evvy on solids yesterday.
Stacey: That's exciting! What did you feed her?
Me: Rice cereal.
Stacey: I thought you weren't going to start with rice cereal.
Me: I know...I decided to.
Stacey: (laughing) Aren't you the one who said to me, 'Would YOU want to eat rice cereal?"
Me: Haven't you figured me out yet with this whole parenting thing? I think I know exactly how it should all go until it actually comes time to do it and then I realize I'm full of shit and just do whatever works...

Stacey laughs at me.

Me: And anyhow, she loved the rice cereal. So who cares if I wouldn't want to eat it. SHE certainly did. 

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 7:03 PM 1 comments  

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No way out but through.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I. Am. OVERWHELMED. With a capital O in case you missed it there.

I had a babysitter today. For five hours. Sounds great - right? And I got home 20 minutes before it was time for her to leave...thinking I could eat something (since I am starving ALL the time. ALL. I'm never not hungry. I ate an Indian feast for dinner...still hungry. ALWAYS.) I unpacked the car, walked in the front door and was greeted by the pups. Oh yeah, I thought. I have dogs. They need to be walked. Dogs first, eating second.

So I walked the dogs and when I got back in, I decided it would be much faster if I put the car seat and strolled in the car without Evvy in them. So I did that. Dogs, then stroller, then eating. But then I came back in and realized I HAD to change because I was broiling in my outfit. Dogs, then stroller, then change, and then I'll eat. But then I realized it was 1:57 and my sitter was only here until 2 and we had class at 2:30. So eating didn't happen at home.

No. Eating happened at McDonald's. What? You didn't hear me??? MC-freaking-Donald's. That's what I ate today for lunch. Because I was so hungry I was starting to see stars and there is NOT ENOUGH FREAKING TIME IN THE DAY TO EAT ANYMORE. So I ate McDonald's and thought. "Is this really my life? Eating McDonald's on the run???"

Did I mention we're moving? Yeah - in 3 weeks. Oh and did I mention that this just happened a few days ago? So no - I wasn't exactly prepared for it. So we're moving in 3 weeks and my babysitter is going back to college and there is SOOO much crap to do and on top of it, the sleep training, which in general is going amazingly well, seems to have caused me to sleep LESS because I wake up now and feel the need to check on my child since she is no longer waking me up during the night. Ummmm - isn't that the OPPOSITE of what's supposed to happen? I thought her sleeping through the night was supposed to equal me sleeping through the night. Instead I'm starting to feel catatonic. Why am I sitting down to write then? (you ask this because I haven't written more than twice in the past four months. normal question.) BECAUSE APPARENTLY AS SOON AS BEDTIME ROLLS AROUND I'M WIDE AWAKE. Yup. I was up from 12:30 AM to 3 AM last night. Wiiiiiiiide awake. Just as I am now at 10:52. Thinking of all the things I have to do because as soon as I cross three things off my to do list, 5 more pop into my head.

And about that sleep training...Did I mention the fact that I am now being tortured because my daughter initially took to sleep training so well? Yes. She learned to sleep in no time. However, being so well rested allowed her the energy to finally roll over. The problem? She rolls over in her crib and while she sleeps fabulously on her back, she hasn't figure out that she can put her head down while she's on her stomach. So of course, Like the good mother I am, I've been going in and rolling her over and within seconds, she's asleep. But today, it was pointed out that she needs to learn that she can sleep on her stomach. And the only way she'll learn that is if I let her figure it out. Letting her figure it out = much crying in frustration. There goes my good mother theory down the drain. So tonight, I let it go on for as long as I could stand (she fell asleep on her belly for about 45 minutes before waking up again and WAAAAAAAILING) and then I did it - I rolled her over. Two seconds later she was fast asleep. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Tomorrow night I'll try again. I'll let her be frustrated. But I'd had it tonight...I needed to give her a quick fix.

It struck me as I was thinking about this whole process - this is life. You have to cry in frustration before you figure it out. No one can tell you or figure it out for you. They can't protect you from it or do it for you. You have to do it yourself to really learn. And most of the time that's accompanied by a lot of frustration (and often some tears as well.) It doesn't matter if you're learning to roll over, figuring out how to ride a bike, learning how to be in a relationship, trying to get a job or going after the things you've always wanted most. It's really quite simple. You just have to keep reaching through the frustration until you get there. And as long as you don't give up, you will figure it out. So while she cries in frustration as she learns a new skill, I'll have to breathe through my frustration and let her.

Dogs, then stroller, then change, the McDonald's...then breathe. I'm going to try to the move that last one to the front of the list...right after I make sure I eat.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 10:43 PM 0 comments  

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Doody Day
Monday, April 27, 2009

That's the name of my blog post from yesterday. The one about the fact that every time we changed Evvy's diaper, 5 minutes later she made ANOTHER doody and we had to change it again. Oh wait. You didn't read that post because I never got around to writing it. It lived only in my head along with the other 35 posts I've written but never actually written about being a mommy and having a child and just about life in general. 


But then today came. And the title of yesterday's post was oh, so apropos. Not because the same thing happened all over again today, but because today was, in fact, a shit day. How does one not feel like a bad mother when they are told that onions could give their child gas but they decide that the small amount of onion that's in the recipe they make is small enough that it won't matter.  Because let me assure you - IT MATTERS. I singlehandedly put my daughter through gaseous pain all day. And because she was in such pain, nothing satisfied her. I couldn't put her in my carrier, I couldn't put her in the sling. She only wanted to be held. But that didn't slow me down. No sirree. I was still DETERMINED to get that laundry done, put the dishes in the dishwasher, and every other anal retentive thing that you might think a mom at home would do. At 3:41 PM I looked at the clock, thinking I had another hour before my chiropractor appointment and realized I needed to have left 5 minutes ago since I was walking there with Evvy. 

I don't know when it happened but somewhere in the process of leaving the house, I did something to my back. So much so that when I started walking and pushing the stroller, I questioned whether or not I would be able to make it the 10 or so blocks I had to go to get to my chiropractor. However, the little person in my head (who, by the way, I've been having endless conversations with as of late. Sometimes this person even speaks out loud to Evvy) said that walking would be good for me. I agreed and so I soldiered on. So I said to myself as I winced with each step, "Well what am I supposed to do if Evvy needs to be carried all day and I have stuff to get done around the house? I mean, seriously...am I supposed to just sit and hold her?" And the person in my head paused for a moment and said, "Yes. That's exactly what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to forget about the laundry and the dishes and whatever other minutia you were dealing with when this happened, and you are supposed to just SIT and hold her."

Do you know what I said next?

"Oh."

Because the person in my head was so right. Humbled, I made my way to the chiropractor where he proceeded to adjust me in all sorts of insane ways and then he gave Evvy some belly massage to help with the gas too. 

As I hobbled around the house this evening and my back started spasming, I thought about how ridiculous it was that I had to hurt myself to learn that I need to slow down with a 5 week old. Yay! Good for me...I'm out and about with my little one... everyone is so impressed with how well I've adjusted! But apparently Little Ms. Type A hasn't adjusted as well as she thought she had. So my body slowed itself down for me. 

Lesson learned. I'll take a doody day over a shit day any day. 

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 9:56 PM 4 comments  

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some morning thoughts before I eat my bagel smothered in cream cheese...
Saturday, February 28, 2009

3 - The number of times I have left the oven on

1 - The number of time I have left the stove on (yes - I am aware there is a visible flame to remind you to turn it off...)
5 - The number of times I have lost my shopping cart in Target
1 - The number of times I never found it
1 - The number of times I forgot where I was supposed to be going
750 - The number of times I've forgotten what I was saying, what I was looking for or what I was doing


Pregnant brain is a real thing. I am ready for mine to be gone. Then I am sure that I will not remember anything for a while due to lack of sleep and total cluelessness as to how I am supposed to be raising a child.

We met with 2 more pediatricians. They were both totally normal and lovely and we are deciding between them. 

I woke up on Monday morning absolutely convinced that the baby was coming this week. Essentially, I turned into Paul Revere heralding the news on Monday morning to Matt that we needed to get EVERYTHING done IMMEDIATELY because "The baby is coming! The baby is coming!" 

The baby did not come. I must have had a dream or something...I don't know. But I'll tell you this much - everything is pretty much done! Shocker that I ran around like a crazy person and woke up yesterday morning feeling like crap. So now I'm sick and really round but at least everything is ready. 

That is, until the baby actually comes. Who the hell is EVER really ready for that? 

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 7:48 AM 2 comments  

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I thought for certain that I would be here on a daily basis now. But between the insane clutter clearing of my house, the daily pre-natal yoga and walks, third trimester mid-afternoon naps and the fifty million other things on my "do in the next 8 weeks" list, I have all but forgotten about the fact that I have a blog. 


Especially one that's called "Take Me Back to Manhattan". A year ago, I would have written in scrupulous detail about my almost 3 week trip back east (the first one I've had that was that long since I moved to LA four years ago.) I also would have written a lengthy post lamenting my return. But NYC was amazing and coming back to the 75 degree weather in LA was actually kind of nice too. And while I still stand by the fact that the food is better in NYC, the shopping is better in NYC, the ability to walk and take the subway and get everywhere and anywhere in 20 minutes (except for the annoying Upper East Side which I had to venture to once and was reminded why I never EVER go to the Upper East Side) is so amazing about NYC,  and the theater and culture are better in NYC, and I still have tons of great friends in NYC, the weather in the winter will ALWAYS be better in LA. And it's nice to go to the farmer's market. And have a kitchen big enough to cook in. And sometimes, it's even nice to drive a car.

Do I have to change the name of my blog now? 

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 6:00 PM 2 comments  

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Angstless in LA
Thursday, December 11, 2008

It's DECEMBER???? WHAT THE HELL?

Anyhow. I've been having this conversation as of late with a couple different people. And I could be totally off on this one, but I'm thinking that blogging is better - even writing for that matter - when it's being used as an outlet for some sort of angst. I would have been an AMAAAAAAAAAAZING blogger when I moved to LA. Just ask any of my close friends who had to put a limit on the number of times a day I could call them. I was oozing angst.

Or when I was single living in NYC. I met with a writer the other day (for an hour and 45 minutes by the way. That sets the record for my longest writer meeting ever. Except, of course, for the first "meeting" I had with my husband...but that doesn't count.) who said she was sort of glad to be single because if she were in a long term relationship, she's really unsure what the hell she'd write about.

I know exactly what she means. I'm not feeling so much angst these days. I have my moments and I'm all too sure that I will have many a meltdown in the not-so-distant future, that life won't feel quite so even, that I will want different things, wish for something new, feel like my brain is going to explode, have moments of "why can't this just..." and "when will I ever...".

But for now, I'm sort of...dare I say it...content. And content makes for boring blogging I think. I'm sort of uninspired. Although I can tell you that my baking extravaganza this weekend will give me plenty of food for thought. I can't even believe I just wrote that. Food for thought. SEE!?!??!?!?!?!

I sometimes wonder if I'm just not a good writer. If I were, wouldn't I be able to pull something out of my ass at a moment's notice for the sake of the blog? Wouldn't I be able to go back to that time of angst and channel it to write something poignant, funny and touching all at once? Wouldn't I be able to paint a picture of that day seven years ago, that moment in the middle of Times Square, that time when I thought I would never recover? Maybe I can. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough...I don't know.

I know I have thoughts in moments in the middle of downward dog that I think would be a really smart piece of writing. I write the whole thing in my head as I move through my (modified for pregnancy) vinyasa. But by the time I get home, it's gone. I remember the general feeling, but the words...they're just not there.

I wish I'd written more at certain times in my life. I could have done wonders with my mid-20's in Manhattan, my late 20's in LA...among other times. My head was constantly swirling with questions, anxiety, endless clutter and conversation.

But for now, my head isn't really swirling much at all. I've managed to find zen in the past six and a half months. Like I got knocked up and something switched inside my brain telling me that I needed to just roll with the punches a bit more because from this point forward, there was going to be a hell of a lot more out of my control than had ever been before. And so that's the way I've been living. I've had a few meltdowns here and there. And I've wished I was closer to a computer when they've happened. But by the time I sit down to write it down, it's over and done with and I've moved on. I find myself wondering what the point of rehashing is. And so, I don't.

So I'm angstless and blogless. But I'm happy.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:46 PM 1 comments  

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Thoughts for Monday lifted from the back of my Starbucks cup
Monday, November 3, 2008

The Way I See It #293

The way I see it
Isn't necessarily
The way you see it
Or the way it is
Or ought to be
What's more important
Is that we're all
Looking for it
And a way to see it

--Desi Di Nardo
Author and poet.
She lives in Toronto, Canada.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 10:37 AM 0 comments  

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Anyone out there??
Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hellooooo? Are you there? It's me. Meesh. Yes. It's actually me. Writing an actual post.

I've been gone a long time. I mean, I know I've been around...poking my head in here and there in between Burma sagas. But really? I haven't written a whole lot since July. And there's actually a reason for that.

Which I'm not going to tell you.

KIDDING. I'm kidding.

Secrets are hard to keep. Whether they're of the "my life is falling apart and I don't want you to know" variety or "I'm so excited I'm going to explode but I can't tell you yet" variety. They both - in their own ways - leave you avoiding the people you love the most because there's not much else on your mind besides that secret.

"How are you?"

"Fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine. Not much to tell." when you really want to say:

"My life sucks. I'm miserable. Absolutely miserable. Pretty much everything has gone to hell. Crying has become my biggest extra curricular activity and I wish I could crawl in a hole and shrivel up."

OR

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. Every thing's great. Just rolling along. Really terrific. Not much to tell." when what you really want to say is:

"UMMMMMMMMMMM...I'M PREGNANT!!!!"

I'm pregnant. 19 weeks pregnant to be exact. I've been slowly going public over the past 7 weeks or so with some hitches in the middle (which I'll share along the way as I started to write while I was keeping this secret in so that I would have SOME sort of outlet.) I would have written about it sooner, but Burma was a way for me to be here and have a presence without having to try to figure out what the hell I was going to talk about when all I really wanted to say waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas, "I'M PREGNANT!!!"

At the beginning of all of this, I wished that I was blognonymous. But people I am related to, have known for years, work with read this blog. And therefore, I had to keep it a secret.

I promise this is not going to turn into a pregnancy blog. I don't promise that I'll never write about it but it won't be all that I write about either.

Aaaah. I feel relieved that I don't have to just say "I'm fine. Great. Couldn't be better" anymore...

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 2:00 PM 4 comments  

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Shameless Husband Promotion
Thursday, August 21, 2008

MOMMA'S MAN starts Friday August 22nd at the ANGELICA
(18 W. Houston St., New York, NY 10012)
"a downtown-deadpan answer film to Apatow's blockbuster beta-male celebrations." David Fear, Time Out NY 5 Stars (out of 6)
New York Magazine Critics Pick
"Jacobs understands the power of the unexpected", Mark Asch, L magazine 4 Stars (out of 5)
"Momma's Man is one of the sweetest, saddest stories Franz Kafka never wrote." J. Hoberman, Village Voice
"An extraordinary movie in every way." — Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
"The one unforgettable narrative film I saw at this year's [Sundance Film Festival]." — Andrew O'Hehir, Salon
" [I]t's at once funny, sad, and exhilaratingly transgressive." — Amy Taubin, Film Comment
"wryly comic, sometimes heart breaking, and altogether original." Scott Foundas, Variety
"A beautiful, wise, shaggy, poker-faced comedy" Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly
"This is independent cinema defined." — Manohla Dargis, The New York Times



Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 1:08 PM 1 comments  

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We couldn't resist
Monday, August 11, 2008

Thursday has a little brother. Meet August...






Aren't they like yin and yang?



Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 8:45 PM 4 comments  

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MIA
Thursday, July 17, 2008

I'm not feeling it these days. I mean, I'm feeling lots of things. But my attempt to put the thoughts swirling in my head into words on a page has found me staring aimlessly at my screen wondering what I was attempting to do in the first place.

And it's not just that I feel like my writing sucks (because as some of you know - or at least I know - I am an overly critical person on my best days and downright judgmental of and hard on myself on my worst.) It's that nothing is coming out. Nothing.

I can't even come up with a list of things I could write about. My head is spinning with the already memories of our trip, making plans for the holidays (yes, I am a totally neurotic and insane planner. I own it.) among other trips, trying to decide if we should get Thursday a friend to keep her company because as fabulous as we are, only dogs speak dog.

And yet, amidst all this, I've been remarkably present. Remarkably in the now. Remarkably aware of the lack of control I have over MOST of the things in my life. And remarkably, I've been ok with all of this.

It's leaving me with little angst and perhaps that's where my lack of intelligent prose has been locked away. With my angst. I can't say I miss it so much. I'm enjoying it. But I know me and you know me and of course the angst will return. Probably with an insane vengeance.

I hope, however, that my ability to write shows up again before the angst. Until then, I'll keep staring until it hits me, as it did today, to acknowledge the fact that I've been very MIA.



Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 6:02 PM 3 comments  

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The Return Post
Monday, July 7, 2008

Hi.

I've been gone a long time.

I decided it was time to get my ass in gear and get back on here. As soon as I made that decision, I got so totally overwhelmed with the idea of writing that instead, I went to check out my blogging friends here and here because it seemed like it would be far easier to try and catch up on their lives than to start to get back in the swing of my own.

But that only last so long...and before I type in another blog address or go read that script staring at me, I decided I needed to type in this address.

I have so many things to discuss, but rather than try to do them all in one post, I think I'll give some highlights here and then choose whether or not I want to revisit any in the future or perhaps just move forward with what life hands me these days.

So for now:

TUSCANY. Is like a dream. This was my second time there in a little over a year and yes, I am aware that I am ridiculously lucky. We were there with my husband's whole family.



This was the sunset one night on our drive back up the dirt road to our villa. One of the things that amazed me in Europe was how active the elderly are. I saw 75 year old women on motorbikes, 80 year old women at the market and carting their groceries home afterward. Everyone seems to encourage older people to stay active and with all the small towns having life's necessities within their walls (wine, cheese, produce, and shoes...clearly life's necessities...), they are constantly able to and encouraged to do for themselves. It's a very social lifestyle, with people truly sitting on their stoops having late afternoon conversation with their neighbors. We see these things in movies and think, with our fast-paced, get ahead American lifestyle, that this can't possibly be how they live over there. But it is. The stores close from 1:30-4:30 every day so that people can have lunch with their friends or their families or their co-workers. There is no such thing as "lunch at your desk" or a 30-minute lunch break. They respect the idea of "time off", the idea that the human body needs to replenish. It will never be like that here...but I can still envy and dream. And eat lots and lots of pici while I'm in Italy. Pici is handrolled "fat" spaghetti that's made with egg (regular spaghetti is not) and I especially love it with a melted cherry tomato and garlic sauce.



This picture reminds me of all the paintings of Tuscany...with the rolling Tuscan hills. This was taken on my first morning there at about 5 AM. I woke up at 2 and couldn't fall back to sleep so decided to take advantage of the quiet and sit and watch the sunrise. It was gorgeous.

Tuscany is full of rolling hills and regal cypress trees. Bottles and bottles of wine and the freshest produce in the world. Winding back roads and signs pointing you in all sorts of directions. You go to Tuscany to get lost, not found. And that, perhaps, is my favorite thing of all.


BARCELONA. Is possibly my favorite European city that I've ever been in. It is rich with culture and color. It is vibrant and pulsing and ALIVE. I got the same high walking the streets of Barcelona that I do when I'm in NYC. Gaudi's architectural masterpieces pepper the city with beauty and Matt and I were both literally brought to tears by Parc Guell.



I felt like a kid in a candy store (and from the picture on the right, you can see that I sort of was) in La Boqueria, their daily market filled with the freshest fruit I've ever seen...so beautiful that it seemed impossible that it was real and a taste so unbelievable that almost seemed impossible it was real as well.



We did more than I thought possible in 3 days - even exercised our Spanish skills a bit (and you can only imagine how flattered I was when someone asked me for directions and I was actually able to give them in Spanish!) Barcelona is a city full of play. The goal is to work as little as possible so as to be able to enjoy life as much as possible. We met amazing, interesting people that I am confident we will see again. I truly didn't want to leave this city...felt as though we only brushed the surface.

Every time I travel, I am inspired. Inspired to learn more about others, to learn more about myself. And while I try to subscribe to the school of no regrets and moving forward rather than looking back, I will always regret not studying or living abroad when I was younger. Matt and I are determined to expose our children to different cultures at young ages...perhaps to even go live overseas somewhere with them for a summer or a year. But I do envy the mobile. Those who have little tying them down, who seek out adventure and live in different worlds. I thought that's what I would do after my trip to Burma but then I quickly met a boy and while LA has definitely been an adventure and it's definitely a different world...it's not quite what I had in mind.

I have so many thoughts coursing through my veins, exploding in my brain...it's just a matter of time before they all show up here. But for today, I bid you adios, buena sera, good bye.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 11:51 AM 2 comments  

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Tom and Padma have me aghast
Thursday, June 5, 2008

Say it isn't so.

How is it possible that Lisa made it through AGAIN???? I know many of you have no idea that I'm talking about the bad attitude clad, mediocre contestant who made it into the top 3 in Top Chef last night. But I can't keep quiet about it any longer. I am totally baffled.

Sort of like brookem was yesterday when she read my blog. Due to the state of my groggy brain, I failed to mention the fact that, while there are many other places in the country that have buttons that pedestrians can push in order to request a walk signal, New York City does not. In New York, you walk when the sign tells you (or when a car isn't coming...). But then again, yesterday I talked about how many times I've been away in the pasta month. And this morning I im'd someone to "wait a sex."

It's been a long week. I will be happy when it's over. If Lisa freaking wins Top Chef, I might have to boycott. Just like I did after Jennifer Hudson got voted off Idol. Yeah. That lasted for the 6 days in between that episode of Idol and the next one.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:16 PM 3 comments  

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crosswalks and other things
Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I feel like ass today, so why I'm choosing to blog is sort of a mystery to me...but I feel like I've been neglectful as of late. This is partially due to the number of papers I have had to write for my interior design class. I just finished my third. After I finish an 8-10 page paper, I can tell you that the last thing I want to do is write some more. It's also partially due to the fact that in the pasta month, I have been away for 3 out of 5 weekends. In fact, since 2008 started, I have been gone for at least one weekend a month, often two. Most of the time for fun...but also most of the time including flying back east. So while the fun is fun...the flying...starts to take it's toll.

I was in NYC last weekend. It was totally overstimulating between the reason I was there (my grandmother's unveiling), seeing "Sunday in the Park with George" (to which I need to devote a whole entire post...), seeing "Sex and the City" in New York City (to which I will need to devote yet another post), and how upset with myself I got every single time I got to a cross walk and looked for the button to push to change the sign to walk. (For those of you not aware, this does not exist in NYC. This only exists in LA. I am a NEW YORKER!!!! AAAAAARGH!) I'm sure the last of that list is what has my brain feeling as though it's swimming in a sea of sludge right now. I'm sure it has nothing to do with taking a redeye in on Friday night and a 7 AM flight back on Monday morning. I'm sure it has nothing to do with not wanting to miss anything or anyone - so spending time with friends and family and seeing theater and rarely sleeping and overthinking the 3000 miles away that I am while yet another one of my closest friends gives birth. No, it's entirely about the crosswalks.

But then, I guess it is about the crosswalks. The crosswalks are a function of the rest of it...aren't they? The crosswalks are the reason I don't get nearly enough time with the people I love. The crosswalks are the reason that I'm not there for the babies. The crosswalks are the reason that I have more frequent flier miles than any person not flying for business should have.

Happy Wednesday. Let's hope that tomorrow my brain makes it way out of the sludge.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 12:27 PM 1 comments  

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So Hum
Thursday, May 22, 2008

I write the best blog posts in yoga. When I'm in warrior two and I'm not supposed to be thinking of anything at all, these amazing blog posts come into my head. And as I hear the teacher say, "Just notice the thoughts and let them go...clear your mind." I end up thinking, "NO! NO! I don't want to clear my mind!! I need to remember this...it came beCAUSE I had a clear mind...but now I need to remember so that I can actually WRITE when I get home...

But then I leave yoga, and the writing is no more. My brain is suddenly completely void of the seemingly brilliant thoughts that were flowing through my head as my body flowed through a vinyasa.

I love how spell check tells me that I've spelled that last word wrong. It's suggestions are as follows: Kirinyaga
vinyls
vineyards

WHAT THE HELL IS KIRINYAGA? They know the word Kirinyaga and they don't know the word vinyasa? Someone needs to bring spellcheck into the 21st century.

Anyhow, my brain has been busy - finishing a paper for class, planning trips to Barcelona, getting ready to go to Napa. It hasn't had much time to come up with anything great to write about here. It hasn't really felt so inclined. Except, of course, mid-yoga.

You know how, as a child, anytime you were told something was off limits, you wanted to do it more? I think that's what my brain does during yoga. It's told to just be...and it starts out that way. It takes on the meditation "So Hum." So on the inhale, Hum on the exhale. I am truth. But then So Hum starts to become ho hum...and my brain starts to think. Involuntarily!! That's the moment when I realize that I made two appointments at the same time for next Thursday. That's the time when I remember that I missed someone's birthday or that it's in two days. That's the time when I remember the thought that I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME get back during my conversation the night before. And lately, it's been the time that I write blog posts. If my brain could mentally telepathize those posts here, you'd be riveted.

But in the meantime, you'll have to trust that someday, those thoughts will come back and they'll materialize here. Until then, I'm off to Napa for the weekend. I'm sure I'll have much to discuss upon my return.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:11 PM 1 comments  

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Not quite ripe for posting
Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I've been a little inconsistent lately. You can take that to mean whatever you want.

It's not so much that I don't have anything to say as it is that I've got so many things and not a lot of time to sit and sort through them effectively. I've been up and down and back up again - sometimes in a single day. I'm having intense conversations - the kind that help you grow and see new perspectives. I'm learning new things about people in my life and about myself - some of them amazing, others I wouldn't mind not knowing. (The things, not the people, although occasionally I come across one of those too.)

I'm busy at work which means that my head is actually getting more creative but with less time to sort through it and get it on the page. I think once this week is over and I'm less jet lagged, I'll get back on track. But I'm finding myself enjoying where I am more and more these days rather than thinking about where I'll end up. I'm going to sit in this moment and enjoy it, allowing myself to take it all in and process before I spill it back out.

So for tonight, I'm continuing to mull - the day's events, the week's events, the year's events thus far - and I'm not going to comment on any of it quite yet. Because the thoughts aren't quite ripe. But when they are, I promise to give you something juicy.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 10:45 PM 1 comments  

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Some days
Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Some days the words come out just right but are heard all wrong.

Some days you feel like having a cocktail by noon.

Some days the tears sit quietly behind your eyes, begging for the perfect moment to stream down your cheeks.

Some days you question every decision you've made.

Some days you wish someone else would do it for you.

Some days you wish you were 5 again and had the whole world ahead of you. Or at least in your early 20's.

Some days you don't have to feel like you don't exist because there are people to tell you it's true.

Some days you just want to run away.

Some days you wish you could do things differently.

Some days you want to tell people to just. shut. up.

Some days you would like people to realize that they actually do NOT know everything - about the world or about you.

Some days you wish you could see into the future.

Some days you wish you could stay in bed eating cookies all day.

Some days you actually wouldn't mind being invisible.

Some days you wish you never got out of bed in the morning and you count the minutes until you can crawl into bed and turn out the light. And turn off your brain.

Some days you just want to end.

This was just one of those days.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:57 PM 2 comments  

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Confessions from Super Bowl Sunday
Monday, February 4, 2008

It's rare that one has epiphanies during the Super Bowl. But hey...anything can happen.

It's less of an epiphany than a confession, I suppose. Something I feel the need to recognize and accept. Something I want to own and not apologize for. Something I need to say out loud.

I don't like big parties. And I said it out loud yesterday. In the middle of a Super Bowl party with about 70 people. J to the K people. J to the K. But I did say it to myself. And I decided to own it.

I'm social. I love being with people. I love to go out and I love to have fun. So I've been sort of baffled by this aspect of myself since I moved to Los Angeles. NYC isn't a city of big parties simply because there's not much room. The only big parties I ever went to in New York were opening night parties and Tony award parties and I was throwing them and it was my job to know everyone in the room. Other than that, there weren't big parties where you'd wander through hallways looking for faces of people that you knew. There were no hallways to wander through that were longer than 5 or 6 feet. I had dance parties with my two fabulous roommates, Randy and Patrick in our Perry Street Apartment. Those parties consisted of a whopping 3. I had weekly catchup parties with Sharon - either at her apartment or across the street at Bar Veloce. I went to Super Bowl parties at Kelly and Amanda's (where I, incidentally, was so comfortable that I fell asleep on the couch through the entire Janet Jackson fiasco in the pre-tivo days.) I spent many an evening singing "Against All Odds" at karaoke parties at Winnie's in Chinatown. I had book club and supper club and social gatherings galore. My mid-20's were the years of "where should I have my birthday party" and we'd email conference until we came up with a suitably cool and hip and fun location that wouldn't be so crowded that our friends wouldn't be able to get in. I went to plenty of parties in my NYC years.

But none of these were parties. Not like LA does parties. And yes, yes...I'm sure you're right if you're saying NYC does parties like this too. They just take place in massive clubs with red velvet ropes that no one in their right mind would want to go to. In LA, they deceivingly take place in people's homes making you believe that they will feel more intimate and that you will actually know the people inhabiting the party. But I almost never do except for the few people that I go with. I spend the hours before secretly dreading the party and trying to figure out reasons why I should NOT attend the party and instead, should spend the evening curled up on the couch with a glass of wine and a good book, a good friend, or my husband. But I always go because "I should" and then there I am, at some huge party that's often loud, often either too hot or too cold, often too crowded, and generally offers little to no sitting space for relaxing. And I find myself feeling anything but social as I scream to my equally big-party dis-inclined girlfriend, "WHY DID WE COME HERE INSTEAD OF STAYING AT YOUR PLACE AND DRINKING GOOD RED WINE AND PLAYING SCRABBLE OR CELEBRITY???" as our significant others peruse the room being, well, social. Because, well, they like big parties.

So there - I've said it. I've admitted it out loud. I'm owning it. And it doesn't mean that I'm anti-social or even anti-party. I think it just means that I'm in my 30's. Wow.



Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 11:26 AM 2 comments  

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This Post Will Make Your Mouth Water...and other random thoughts
Friday, February 1, 2008

I am going home to make a devil dog cake. I found the recipe this afternoon while half watching the horror that is 27 Dresses. Can someone...anyone...PUH-LEASE explain to me how on EARTH this movie got made. While you're at it, can you tell me how it was directed by a WOMAN??? Who probably made a LOT of money from directing a major motion picture that quite frankly SUCKED MY ASS. I mean...seriously...I'm all for the romantic comedy but seriously. HOW?

And while we're at it, can we discuss the Eva Longoria film that's coming out this weekend? I don't even need to see Over Her Dead Body to tell you it's the worst thing I've ever seen. It's the worst preview I've ever seen. I'm baffled and incensed.

Not really. It's just fun to say. What's MORE fun is perusing cooking magazines while watching aforementioned horror and finding the following recipes which I will be making over the neext few weeks:
Chocolate-Caramel Sandwich Cookies
Guinness Icecream with chocolate covered pretzels. I mean seriously. This one is GENIUS
Spaghetti with spinach, tomatoes, and goat cheese
Grilled cheese with onion jam, taleggio, and escarole
Brown butter and Peanut Brittle Icecream

aaaaaaand aforementioned Devil Dog Cake. I know. You want to come over for dinner. And also several desserts. Of course, none of these cover what I'll be cooking tomorrow evening with my friend Amy which is what I was looking for -, so I'll have to go home and do some further cookbook perusing.

Oh - and just in case anyone cares...I am in LOVE with this kitchen. I can't wait to have an island that everyone can sit around and drink wine whilst I cook and also drink wine. That might be my idea of heaven. Can you imagine that island spread with Bon Appetits and Food and Wines and Barefoot Contessa Cookbooks and me and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc on a Sunday afternoon? Divine.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:01 PM 0 comments  

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