Live the Questions Now
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
The days seem to be going by faster than I can keep track of and all of a sudden, I'm having a baby in 4 months. What the hell?? I just got pregnant! How did all of this happen so freaking fast? How is it Thanksgiving?
The impending birth of a child has made me sit back and reflect a lot. On my past 33 years (ok, ok - I don't remember being 2. But at least most of my "adult" life when I wasn't too drunk to forget. Did I just say adult life? Heh. Who's an adult? Just because I'm having a baby now I'm supposed to be an adult???) I'm reflecting on the things that I want to instill in my kids. On the traits I have that I'd like to work on more so that they don't learn my behavior. On the ways in which I'd like to help my kids see the world. (Sure, it's singular now...but now that the can of worms has been opened...)
It's been a highly reflective time, but I've had trouble finding the words to frame it. I'm working hard on staying present these days - on enjoying the small moments. I'm starting to understand that each moment that happens will only last for a small amount of time. And while some of the phases I've been through in my life have been tumultuous, have felt tortured and confused - I have looked back upon many of those times, feeling like I didn't know how good those tortured moments were.
I think sometimes life is hard to see while we're living it. But I don't want to turn around and feel like I wasn't truly experiencing each moment anymore because I was so anxious to get out of it and get some answers. I think I'm starting to realize that Rilke had a point. That the only way to find the answers is to live your way into them...
I think that's what I want to instill most in my kids. That it's ok to not know the answers before you leap. That leaping is the only way to truly find the answers. And that it's ok to wade and to wallow a bit while you try to figure out which direction to leap in. That it's ok to fall down - as long as you get back up. That when the doors all seem locked, try a window, and if the windows are locked too, find a vent. To treat others with compassion. To have patience for those around you - to work hard on having that patience with those who try it most because they probably need it the most. To stand your ground with what you believe in and to live it out loud and strong. To move forward but not forget where you come from. To fly high but keep your feet firmly fastened on the ground. To ask questions and to search and explore. That grudges are cancerous and there's no point in holding them. You don't have to like everyone or everything, but it's so much better for your spirit and your health to let it go and move forward.
Do I live these ideas? Some of them...not all of them. Some of the time, not all of the time.
And there are the things that I am working on right now. I am too hard on myself and therefore, often too hard on others. I try too hard to keep everyone else happy but sometimes I just need to make myself happy. I know that when I don't like someone or something, I'm not so great at hiding it. I'm really loud. I'm constantly afraid of letting people down. I question my abilities too often. I need to be more flexible and learn to relinquish control. I'm learning to ask myself what truly bothers me in situations that do - rather than to just get angry, upset, irrational, etc. To get to the bottom of why I feel a certain way, rather than just letting the emotion take over me completely. So I'm learning. I guess having a baby is making me want to be better.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:31 PM 0 comments
Labels: conscious living, musings on life, we're having a baby
Something weird is going on
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I'm here people. And I've actually been writing - just not posting so much. I'm feeling oddly detached from my blog posts these days...like there's a crucial element of me-ness missing a lot of the time. That was one of the things that I heard most when people started reading me - those that knew me said they could hear my voice through the screen. And I knew exactly what they meant...but my voice isn't radiating through as much these days. So I'm holding off on posting as much until the me is back in the post.
Although while I'm here, I might as well tell you about my quiche-filled weekend. I haven't gotten around to posting the pictures yet, but I had a quiche extravaganza. As I have disclosed, I'm stubborn so I was determined to make my own crust. (And btw, I'm just as determined now to make a quiche with a pre-made crust and see if there's any freaking difference AT ALL.) I made the dough at various times during the day on Friday so that it would sit overnight as it's supposed to. I decided to try 2 different recipes. Despite the fact that everyone and their mother wrote about how difficult Thomas Keller's quiches were, I decided I should make one. In fact, it was probably BECAUSE of the fact that everyone said they were so hard. And let me tell you something - Thomas Keller's quiche was not my problem. His directions were clear, I followed them and I had a grand quiche at the end.
My biggest issue? Roquefort cheese (and he calls for a lot of it) is a bit rich when you're talking quiche. A quiche is rich enough without adding blue cheese to boot. Too much. I would make it again but fill it differently. While this quiche was by far that most time consuming (it's bigger so everything has to cook longer), it was actually the easiest.
The next recipe that I tried was from the restaurant Tartine in San Francisco. The filling had creme fraiche in it and I have to say that it fascinates me that this one food has so many different variations on fillings. They all have eggs and some sort of dairy but the kinds of dairy and different proportions are so vastly different that I feel like I could make quiche for weeks trying to find the best recipe. That's not happening in the near future however, because I am OVER quiche.
Anyhow, I made the Tartine crust recipe which was meant to be a bit thinner than the previous quiche. I made one in a pie plate and one in a tart pan. This recipe did NOT call for the crust to be anchored. Word to the wise. ALWAYS ANCHOR YOUR CRUST. Leave plenty of extra overhang and smoosh that baby to the side of the pan with all your might. If you don't, there is a good possibility that just a small little section of your crust will move itself down the side of the tart pan or pie dish. And it won't appear to be a problem - you'll just think that it looks a little funky. Until you pour the filling in and it leaks out of that one little side and underneath your beautiful crust and you end up having to do this:
Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is, indeed, a garbage can. And in it, my pie crust. This happened at 10 PM on Saturday night. And no, I did not plan poorly, I had already made 1 quiche, lemon bars, breakfast bread pudding, and homemade oreos
(which were amazing, thanks to Deb at Smitten Kitchen). I'd cooked the quiche crusts earlier but then they had to cool completely...So at 10 at night, I was ready to pour my filling with chicken sausage, mushrooms, onions, and mozzarella into that baby to bake. But instead, I had a quiche disaster. In case you forgot, let me remind you:
BUT I salvaged the filling and poured it into the tart instead and lo and behold THE SAME FUCKING THING HAPPENED ALL OVER AGAIN! I was NOT going down with this ship though...the tart shell was in a removable bottom pan and I worked quickly. I pulled the crust out of the pan completely, set it on a cookie sheet and shoved it in the oven. I figured it was worth a shot. Because one crust was all I had the energy left to make that night. The bottom stuck to the pan a little, but I slid a serrated edged knife under it and wallah! I had my quiche:
As you can see, the crust is not exactly even and it's not quite as pretty as the above quiche, but it tasted AMAAAAAAZING. I highly recommend this filling combo - it was the first to go.
So what did I do given that I was having 40 people for brunch and I had only 2 quiches? I did the only thing there was to do. It seemed far easier to make another crust than it did to get in my car, go to the grocery store and buy a crust. So I made it. The trial quiche I'd made last week called for a crust that didn't have to sit in the fridge for an hour, so I made that one. I made another basic filling with the Tartine recipe and filled it with spinach, shallots, and gruyere. I was in a bit of a rush given that it was now 11:15 at night and I'd been cooking for a full 12 hours, so I didn't let the crust brown as much as I should have, but I have to say, all things considered, it was pretty fabulous.
I knew that no matter what, I had my dad's famous breakfast bread pudding recipe and there was no way I could go wrong with that. Sorry - no pictures...I was too busy running around the house like a maniac 10 minutes before people arrived.
The lemon bars were my best yet (thank you Ina, who should be renamed the Barefoot Goddess as far as I'm concerned)
and the oreos are now a permanent fixture in my repertoire.
OHHHHHHH - and if you want an instant crowd pleaser, then put your bacon on a cookie sheet, sprinkle it with brown sugar and bake it at 375 for 35 minutes until it's crispy. It was literally gone the second I put it down on the table.
I added a simple mixed green salad, a bowl of satsumas 
and a big bowl of berries 
and my work was done.
Well, mostly. If you are having a brunch for 40 people, you should know that three quiches is NOT enough. Also, the slices that you see cut above were quickly reduced by at least half (possibly more) as I realized there was no chance in hell that I could have enough for everyone with such generous portions. So I cut the quiches into smaller slivers and before a panic attack ensued, I called Urth Cafe and ordered one of their tomato basil quiches and sent an incredible friend to pick it up. Crisis averted. At the end of the day, we had about 3 1/2 pieces of quiche left over. Lesson learned. Make at least one quiche for every 10 people and cut it into more than 10 slices.
Oh - and as you'll see above, I tried to be as environmentally friendly as possible...We bought recycline utensils...plastic that can be dishwashed. Of course, no one actually read the sign and I definitely had to fish a few out of the garbage before I went around making an announcement (because at 4.99 for a set of 8, I wasn't sending those puppies to a landfill.) We used our cloth napkins and glasses that we had. The only thing I got lazy with was dishes - both for cleanup and cost. But we used biodegradable Whole foods plates and I'm leaning more and more towards getting a composter that you can keep under your sink so that next time, the dishes can just go straight in there and help my flowers grow.
And that's all folks. Funny after all that mishegas at the beginning, I know I'm in this post. Maybe I'm coming back. We shall see, shan't we?
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:18 PM 6 comments
Labels: conscious living, food and drink
Carole had it right
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
My thighs jiggle a little side to side. Doesn't that mean I'm human and alive? I've had men tell me I look great when I feel ten pounds overweight and that I was too skinny once upon a time. Others may whisper that I've gained a little weight and wonder whether or not it will come off at a later date.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I look at myself bearing all in the mirror and I know I can choose - beauty or distaste. For years I chose to see all that was wrong. I could never see a beautiful woman with a strong body and a strong will. I saw curves in all the wrong places. I wished for small where there was bigger and bigger where there was small. I couldn't appreciate the way things hung, the way things swung. But I finally learned to embrace the body that is my home. And in doing so I can listen to what feels good- like yoga and breath and finishing a hike and sometimes a couple of glasses of wine. And I know that when I feel strong I feel good and beautiful. Because I am. I am a woman. I have hips that sway and shoulders that show strength and a waist that shows femininity. I am not perfect. But my imperfection is perfectly human. And real. And beautiful.
I have curves and for that I do not have to apologize. Or lose weight. I am a real woman. And I like and embrace it some days and other days I don't and wish I was straighter and longer and leaner and meaner. Some clothes fit me perfectly and others look awful. What wasted time I spent trying to make my body fit certain clothes rather than knowing what clothes fit my body. Wouldn't it be boring if we all looked good in everything?
I wish and hope that someday my daughter will look in the mirror and know she's beautiful because of who she is. Because she will be - curvy or lean, short or tall, whatever she may be. I want to teach her to love herself and embrace all of her "differences" and to KNOW that she is beautiful.
We are all different and there is no standard of beauty we should conform to. We should live by the desire to feel strong and healthy and empowered and comfortable in our own skin. Your thighs are beautiful because they are yours. And they help you to sit down and stand up and dance. If you don't like them, then recognize why. Is it because you don't fit into an ideal or because you aren't taking care of yourself? There is a difference that it seems very few are taught in this day and age of thin=good. Inevitably when I don't feel good about myself, it has nothing to do with my weight. It has to do with what I'm putting in my body and whether or not I'm taking care of it the way I like to. And when I start to do the things that make me feel good, I don't notice what I look like so much as I notice that I feel strong and empowered.
If someone hasn't told you lately, know that you are beautiful. Because in the words of the great Carole King:
You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face
And show the world all the love in your heart.
Then people gonna treat you better.
You're gonna find (yes you will)
That you're beautiful as you feel.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:45 PM 2 comments
Labels: conscious living
The temple within
Sunday, November 18, 2007
I can feel the breath moving from the top of my head all the way down through my spine. I can feel my back lengthening, making me two inches taller than I was before. I love the strength of my arms as they take on the entire weight of my body, lowering gently to the floor. The breath rushes through me providing a high no drugs or alcohol could ever compete with. My back arches deeply and I feel alive.
In this moment, I am keenly aware that I can do anything, overcome any fear, any problem - that everything I could ever possibly need to live a full life is on the mat with me. My mind empties and listens only to the sound of the deep inhale and exhale - like a sweet song. As the dance continues I have moments of thoughts:
Will the strike get settled when they sit down in a week? Inhale, exhale. So hum - I am truth.
We will name our first child after both of our mother's mothers. The child will have their spirit, their souls. Inhale, exhale. So hum - I am truth...
I was supposed to call Sandy at 5 PM. Shit. Inhale, exhale...
It has been in interesting and crazy year...a year of many lessons. So hum, so hum...
My yoga practice is an interesting jumping point for a book. Inhale...
My hips are still so tight...inhale, exhale.
I can't wait for Sharon's visit...inhale...so hum.
I loved this day...inhale, exhale.
I loved this day..stay in this moment....
And again, I clear my brain. I feel the breath coursing through me. I feel the sweat drip down my back as my body temperature rises and my limbs flow from movement to movement. I feel the resistance in moments of difficulty. My body reminds me that it can move through. It reminds me that moving through the difficult poses will make me stronger. That moving through the difficult moments will make me stronger. My body reminds me that it is strong. My body reminds me that I can handle anything that comes my way.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. "So hum" I sing in my head. I am truth. Truth is my name.
I dance the dance, slowly, beautifully, drawing on the energy of those in my presence. Strangers whose energy fills me up and propels me forward when I am uncertain that I can propel myself. And I know that I too have given them the energy in moments when they were lacking...What a gift we have to give energy to others and to rely on it from them when we are in moments of need.
Inhale, exhale. My body feels strong, my mind feels wise. I am one with myself for a moment and I am reminded of the beauty within.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale...
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 8:15 PM 0 comments
Labels: conscious living, musings on life, yoga
Releasing the Reigns (or Stop Trying to Make Your Mother/Father/best friend/significant other Someone That They're Not)
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I just read my Daily Om from yesterday and felt the need to post it here in it's entirety as it relates directly to yesterday's post. This has been a lesson that I've been slowly learning over time (I mean, who doesn't want everyone else to act exactly the way they want them to all the time?)
Releasing The Reigns
Changing Others
Our perception of humanity as a whole is, to a large extent, dualistic. We paint people with a broad brush - some are like us, sharing our opinions and our attitudes, while others are different. Our commitment to values we have chosen to embrace is often so strong that we are easily convinced that our way is the right way. We may find ourselves frustrated by those who view the world from an alternate vantage point and make use of unusual strategies when coping with life's challenges. However ardently we believe that these people would be happier and more satisfied following our lead, we should resist the temptation to try to change them. Every human being has been blessed with a unique nature that cannot be altered by outside forces. We are who we are at any one point in our lives for a reason, and no one person can say for certain what another should be like.
The reasons we try to change one another are numerous. Since we have learned over time to flourish in the richness of lives we have built, we may come to believe that we are qualified to speak on behalf of the greater source. The sum total of our knowledge will never compare to what we do not know, however, and our understanding of others' lives will forever be limited. The potential we see in the people who are a part of our lives will never be precisely the same as our own, so we do these individuals a disservice when we make assumptions about their intentions, preferences, and goals. Our power lies in our ability to accept others for all their quirks and differences and to let go of the need to control every element of our existence. We can love people for who they are, embracing their uniqueness, or we can love them as human beings from afar.
Your ability to influence people may grow more sophisticated because others sense that you respect their right to be themselves, but you will likely spend more time gazing inward, into the one person you can change: yourself.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:13 PM 0 comments
Labels: conscious living, life lessons
Blog Action Day
Monday, October 15, 2007
Today is Blog Action Day. How cool is it that everyone is getting involved and doing little things to help save our world? In honor of Blog Action Day, I'm simply going to list the little things that we've done in the past couple of years to help make our home and our lives greener by the day. Perhaps there are one or two easy things on here that you can do to help make your life a little more green:
1. Buy a Prius. Matt got 432 miles on his last tank of gas. Not to mention the fact that it's a great ride, it's roomy and comfortable, and the GPS system gets us where we need to go every time. If you are in the market to buy a new car, buy a hybrid.
2. Recycle. I mean, I know this is sooooooo obvious, but I also know that when we lived in our old apartment building, they didn't recycle so we didn't recycle. This only lasted a few months before we realized how irresponsible we were being. It might take a little more work to bring your newspapers someplace, but don't you feel great after? If you need more info on recycling, click here. At the top, you can enter your zip code and it will give you personalized info on your area.
3. Change your light bulbs to a CFL version. They sell them at Whole Foods (and I'm sure everywhere now.) If you want to understand why, read this article from Fast Company on how it only takes 1 lightbulb to change the world.
4. Buy recycled toilet paper and paper towels - and better yet, buy dishtowels and use those recycled paper towels sparingly.
5. Start using cloth napkins. Anthroplogie and Target have adorable ones that are inexpensive.
6. Be an efficient laundress. Wash your laundry in cold water only. Wanna understand why? Check out my favorite eco-friendly tip site, Ideal Bite. Also, don't do one or two pieces of laundry unless it's an emergency (like a wine spill or lipstick stain) and you must get it out immediately. Wash full loads of laundry. Clean your lint filter every time you use your dryer - it will dry your clothes way more efficiently. Wash your clothes less. No, this doesn't make you dirty - it makes you smart. Unless you TRULY get dirt on your clothes, you don't need to wash them every time. And you'll be happy because not only will you be helping the environment, your clothes will last longer as well.
7. Use environmentally friendly cleaning products. There's a whole slew of them - from Method, to Ecover, to Seventh Generation. The only thing I've yet to find is a great dishwasher detergent (for the actual dishwasher...) Any suggestions?
8. Buy local and organic. It may cost a few bucks more (although if you shop at your local farmer's market it's definitely cheaper than even non-organic produce at the supermarket) but it's worth it for taste, for your body, AND for the environment.
9. Stop drinking bottled water. Yeah, I know you recycle it, but it's still better for the environment if we don't use those plastic bottles to begin with. Get a cooler or better yet, get a filter that attaches to your sink. You'll save money and the world.
10. Unplug. It's actually even easier than that...I know it's a pain in the neck to have to plug that light in every time you want to use it. But it drains a lot of energy even when it's not on. We just bought power strips and put them in convenient places with a whole bunch of plugs in them. Now we just flip them off, and when we need to use them, we flip the switch and turn on the power. And I have to admit, I haven't done it with every socket in my house. I did it with the things we don't use as often. But it still helps.
11. Get your office in shape. Last week, I got adamant about getting rid of our styrofoam cups in the kitchen. My co-worker, Sabrina, made us get a water cooler at work instead of the hundreds of water bottles that we were going through. We now recycle all of our media with Green Disk. I still think we go through far too much paper, but that will take a conscious effort on each individuals part. And for now, I'm recycling my scripts to my heart content. I'm certain I haven't even brushed the tip of the iceberg (that's not the expression - is it?) on this one - but I'm determined to learn more!!
12. Keep your tires full. If your tires are full, your car works more efficiently on less gas. That's an easy one.
13. Stop using paper AND plastic. Bring your own bags with you to the grocery store. There's no reason to use up valuable earth supplies when you can just keep old plastic bags in your car or cloth totes.
Things on my radar to start doing in the next few weeks:
1. Switch to a Green Power Program. If you're an Angeleno, click here. For a few more bucks, you can pay to get your power from a green source - the sun, the wind, and water to name a few. Even if you can't afford to convert 100% of your power to green, you can still opt for 20% and pay about $6 more a month. A little goes a long way. If you live in NYC or anywhere else, click here. They'll let you know if you can purchase green power in your state.
2. Stop using plastic wrap and plastic baggies and plastic storage containers. Glad made it so easy for us to keep our food in those disposable containers. But they also contributed to the ruin of our planet in the process. Switch to glass or ceramic and you can go straight from the fridge to the oven or microwave. Ideal Bite has some great suggestions again: these glass storage containers don't have an ounce of plastic anywhere. You can wash all those pickle jar and pasta sauce jars and re-use those as well. Plastic can actually get into your food...yup - just by sitting there in the fridge.
3. Stop getting junk mail. I want to sign up for one of the terrific programs that will stop them from sending me those things that I just put in the trash anyhow. Go to Direct Mail or Green Dimes.
4. Get more conscious. Every day I throw away little slips of paper by mistake. I leave things on that I shouldn't. I flip on the heat rather than putting on an extra layer. All easy to do and free to fix. I want to get better at all these things.
5. And I'm thinking really big here when I say that one day, I'd love to have a completely eco-friendly, solar-powered home.
What's your favorite way to help the earth? I'd love to hear what you guys are doing to go green so I can start doing some of them myself!!
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 11:31 AM 4 comments
Labels: conscious living
Namaste
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Another one of my absolute favorite yoga teachers in LA is Andrea Marcum. She is a yoga goddess. About a year and a half ago, Andrea opened U Studio on Wilshire. Her classes are incredible - yoga at it's most challenging in a heated room (although not the insane 120 degrees that you'll find in bikram...she's a reasonable woman even if she does kick my ass) with gargantuan windows that let the light flood in. But my favorite part of Andrea's class is what she reminds us of at the end - and it's something I've taken with me to close all of my yoga practices. At the end of class, as we sit on our mats dripping sweat and chanting our communal namaste, we bring our hands into prayer. And Andrea, in her grounded, calming voice, asks us to raise our hands in prayer - first to our foreheads, then to our lips and finally, in front of our hearts reminding us to be mindful in what we think, what we say, and what we do.
I LOVE THIS.
How genius is that statement in all of it's simplicity?
Simply be mindful in what we think, what we say, and what we do.
Let's get honest - how often are we REALLY? Sometimes. Occasionally. Here and there. Some moments more than others. I know at the end of every yoga class I remind myself, but I walk out into the world and some days I forget it the second I get in my car and start driving and some jerk cuts me off and there I am - I think "What an ass!" then I say "What and ass!" and then spend the next 10 minutes acting like a moron being angry at the ass who probably didn't mean to cut me off to begin with. And even if he did, what good is screaming at him going to do me???
So today I'm giving myself a new challenge...today I want to do it more. I want to be completely conscious of the thoughts that cloud my brain so that I can weed out the negative ones, the ones that are judgmental, the things that hold me back. Perhaps (don't fall over when I say this) I will learn to speak less and listen more. And as we all know, actions speak louder than words. So perhaps I should shut up now, and just listen to Gandhi...
What would the world be like if we all got just a little more conscious of what we think, say, and do? What if?
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 1:13 PM 0 comments
Labels: conscious living, yoga
Where oh where is Fall?
Friday, October 5, 2007
Apparently my desire for fall wouldn't be met right now even if I did live on the east coast. Rumor has it that as of late, temps have been in the 80's - warm enough to warrant the air conditioning that is probably helping to cause those temps being that high in October in the first place.
I don't know if it's because I'm older and it's hard to be unaware of the affects that ignorance has had on our world, or if my fairly newly found eco-friendly awareness has to do with being in a city where I'm more in touch with nature and the outdoors, but in the past couple of years, it's become way important to me to go green in as many ways as possible. I wash my stuff in cold water, we don't have air conditioning, we bought a Prius, and we changed all our lightbulbs. (I list these things solely because they are quite truthfully, the bare minimum easy things to do for a greener world, and if you haven't done them yet, then start.) We bought cloth napkins and towels for the kitchen, I buy local produce, and I stopped using chemical heavy cleansers. (And people, Target has made this soooo easy for us with Method and Seventh Generation. And before you try to tell me that it's more expensive to live this way or that it doesn't get your house as clean, think about how nice it will be to have all that money in a clean house on an earth that's got more disease, more hurricanes, and fewer plants. And that's IF you're lucky enough to live in a place that doesn't erode away or fall into the ocean.)
On that note, I've found the perfect thing to help me continue to better myself and my lifestyle on a daily basis. Ideal Bite is like Daily Candy for the conscious consumer. It's got tips on everything from the most environmentally friendly way to wrap leftovers to better ways to take care of your body to inexpensive (and even free) ways to live a more eco-conscious life. There are daily "everywhere" tips as well as tips for NYC and San Francisco (don't worry LA, you and Chicago will start getting yours in Spring 2008.) Now you have all the info you need to start living a greener life delivered directly to your in box on a daily basis. I'm smitten.
And while I'm mildly embarrassed to admit that it's taken me this long to take care of this, I'm now off to make sure that we get rid of the Styrofoam cups in our kitchen at the office.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:17 PM 1 comments
Labels: conscious living
