The 120th Day
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday was my 120th day. Well, at least I think it was. It's hard to know exactly, but I counted from the day that I think the baby was conceived.
This woman is nuts, you're thinking. Why on EARTH would she need to know when her 120th day falls?
In the yogic tradition, the 120th day is the day that a woman actually becomes a mother because that is the day that the soul of the baby actually enters the body. It is said that from that day forward, the baby is aware of everything the mother says, feels, thinks - the people she surrounds herself with, the music she listens to, the food she eats - and all of this shapes the baby.
Now I KNOW she's nuts.
Perhaps. But I've been a yoga devotee for several years now and I have no doubt that yoga had a huge positive influence on my first pregnancy and birthing experience so I've been going even more this time around. So when one of my teachers, Akal, told me that she would love to celebrate my 120th day in class, I got out my calendar and I counted.
Class fell on Tuesday (since I don't know for CERTAIN the exact day, it all works out - right?) and on Tuesday, we did a meditation and mantra to welcome our baby's soul. It was was absolutely amazing. In the week preceeding the class, I noticed that I had started feeling more connected to the baby. I don't know if it's because I had felt like total ass for the first 18 weeks of my pregnancy and I was finally starting to feel better. I don't know if it's because the baby was starting to move more. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it was because the baby's soul was entering it's body - and that left me feeling more connected. But I did. And on Tuesday morning, as we chanted a beautiful sanskrit meditation, I swear I felt bathed in warm golden sunlight.
Perhaps I am nuts. Or perhaps this baby is going to bring more warm, golden sunlight into my life than I ever could have imagined. Or perhaps it's a little bit of both...
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 9:23 PM 2 comments
Labels: we're having a baby, yoga
So Hum
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I write the best blog posts in yoga. When I'm in warrior two and I'm not supposed to be thinking of anything at all, these amazing blog posts come into my head. And as I hear the teacher say, "Just notice the thoughts and let them go...clear your mind." I end up thinking, "NO! NO! I don't want to clear my mind!! I need to remember this...it came beCAUSE I had a clear mind...but now I need to remember so that I can actually WRITE when I get home...
But then I leave yoga, and the writing is no more. My brain is suddenly completely void of the seemingly brilliant thoughts that were flowing through my head as my body flowed through a vinyasa.
I love how spell check tells me that I've spelled that last word wrong. It's suggestions are as follows: Kirinyaga
vinyls
vineyards
WHAT THE HELL IS KIRINYAGA? They know the word Kirinyaga and they don't know the word vinyasa? Someone needs to bring spellcheck into the 21st century.
Anyhow, my brain has been busy - finishing a paper for class, planning trips to Barcelona, getting ready to go to Napa. It hasn't had much time to come up with anything great to write about here. It hasn't really felt so inclined. Except, of course, mid-yoga.
You know how, as a child, anytime you were told something was off limits, you wanted to do it more? I think that's what my brain does during yoga. It's told to just be...and it starts out that way. It takes on the meditation "So Hum." So on the inhale, Hum on the exhale. I am truth. But then So Hum starts to become ho hum...and my brain starts to think. Involuntarily!! That's the moment when I realize that I made two appointments at the same time for next Thursday. That's the time when I remember that I missed someone's birthday or that it's in two days. That's the time when I remember the thought that I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME get back during my conversation the night before. And lately, it's been the time that I write blog posts. If my brain could mentally telepathize those posts here, you'd be riveted.
But in the meantime, you'll have to trust that someday, those thoughts will come back and they'll materialize here. Until then, I'm off to Napa for the weekend. I'm sure I'll have much to discuss upon my return.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:11 PM 1 comments
Labels: daily, random thoughts, yoga
Yogi wisdom
Monday, January 7, 2008
On Saturday, my yoga teacher made a genius statement that I have embraced with all of my being. I can't say it as poetically as she did but it's something along these lines: We tag January 1 as the beginning of a new year, and it is true in that it is the first day of a new calendar year. But with it, we throw in all sorts of expectations and resolutions (unless you're me) and new beginnings. Magazines exclaim "New Year, New You!" and all kinds of starts from fresh starts to jump starts to better starts. And because it's been dubbed the definitive start, people tend to be that much more let down if it doesn't live up to their hopes.
But the truth is, every day is a new year. Literally. Perhaps not the beginning of a new numbered year on the calendar, but it is the first day of another year, with all the past days behind us. Every day is an opportunity to do things in a new way, to clean a slate, to start a new habit or kick an old one. As I'm writing this, I feel that there's absolutely NO way that I'm doing this concept any justice. It actually sounds ridiculous and sort of obvious as I type on the page. But hell, I found freedom in the revelation of this fact, and I'm sticking to it in the hopes that perhaps my words are translating in a clearer way than I think.
On Thursday I was feeling like my new year had gotten off to a sort of sour start. I was grumpy and homesick and all sorts of other things...including pissed because it was only January 3rd and I had felt so good about 2008. But then there was Friday and I had a great day on Friday. And with those words on Saturday morning I realized that I'd actually just had a couple of crappy days and now, I was having some fantastic ones. It wasn't about 2008. I could reinvent myself or my thoughts or my anything at any time. In fact, most of the time when I feel inspired it does NOT coincide with a birthday or the new year. So with each new day, I have the opportunity for a "new year."
It still is reading ridiculous. And I've tried to re-write it about 75 times. So I'm going to stop judging myself and just be grateful for yogi revelations and hope that someone, somewhere can get whatever the fuck it is that I'm trying to say.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:28 PM 1 comments
Labels: musings on life, yoga
The temple within
Sunday, November 18, 2007
I can feel the breath moving from the top of my head all the way down through my spine. I can feel my back lengthening, making me two inches taller than I was before. I love the strength of my arms as they take on the entire weight of my body, lowering gently to the floor. The breath rushes through me providing a high no drugs or alcohol could ever compete with. My back arches deeply and I feel alive.
In this moment, I am keenly aware that I can do anything, overcome any fear, any problem - that everything I could ever possibly need to live a full life is on the mat with me. My mind empties and listens only to the sound of the deep inhale and exhale - like a sweet song. As the dance continues I have moments of thoughts:
Will the strike get settled when they sit down in a week? Inhale, exhale. So hum - I am truth.
We will name our first child after both of our mother's mothers. The child will have their spirit, their souls. Inhale, exhale. So hum - I am truth...
I was supposed to call Sandy at 5 PM. Shit. Inhale, exhale...
It has been in interesting and crazy year...a year of many lessons. So hum, so hum...
My yoga practice is an interesting jumping point for a book. Inhale...
My hips are still so tight...inhale, exhale.
I can't wait for Sharon's visit...inhale...so hum.
I loved this day...inhale, exhale.
I loved this day..stay in this moment....
And again, I clear my brain. I feel the breath coursing through me. I feel the sweat drip down my back as my body temperature rises and my limbs flow from movement to movement. I feel the resistance in moments of difficulty. My body reminds me that it can move through. It reminds me that moving through the difficult poses will make me stronger. That moving through the difficult moments will make me stronger. My body reminds me that it is strong. My body reminds me that I can handle anything that comes my way.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. "So hum" I sing in my head. I am truth. Truth is my name.
I dance the dance, slowly, beautifully, drawing on the energy of those in my presence. Strangers whose energy fills me up and propels me forward when I am uncertain that I can propel myself. And I know that I too have given them the energy in moments when they were lacking...What a gift we have to give energy to others and to rely on it from them when we are in moments of need.
Inhale, exhale. My body feels strong, my mind feels wise. I am one with myself for a moment and I am reminded of the beauty within.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale...
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 8:15 PM 0 comments
Labels: conscious living, musings on life, yoga
Namaste
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Another one of my absolute favorite yoga teachers in LA is Andrea Marcum. She is a yoga goddess. About a year and a half ago, Andrea opened U Studio on Wilshire. Her classes are incredible - yoga at it's most challenging in a heated room (although not the insane 120 degrees that you'll find in bikram...she's a reasonable woman even if she does kick my ass) with gargantuan windows that let the light flood in. But my favorite part of Andrea's class is what she reminds us of at the end - and it's something I've taken with me to close all of my yoga practices. At the end of class, as we sit on our mats dripping sweat and chanting our communal namaste, we bring our hands into prayer. And Andrea, in her grounded, calming voice, asks us to raise our hands in prayer - first to our foreheads, then to our lips and finally, in front of our hearts reminding us to be mindful in what we think, what we say, and what we do.
I LOVE THIS.
How genius is that statement in all of it's simplicity?
Simply be mindful in what we think, what we say, and what we do.
Let's get honest - how often are we REALLY? Sometimes. Occasionally. Here and there. Some moments more than others. I know at the end of every yoga class I remind myself, but I walk out into the world and some days I forget it the second I get in my car and start driving and some jerk cuts me off and there I am - I think "What an ass!" then I say "What and ass!" and then spend the next 10 minutes acting like a moron being angry at the ass who probably didn't mean to cut me off to begin with. And even if he did, what good is screaming at him going to do me???
So today I'm giving myself a new challenge...today I want to do it more. I want to be completely conscious of the thoughts that cloud my brain so that I can weed out the negative ones, the ones that are judgmental, the things that hold me back. Perhaps (don't fall over when I say this) I will learn to speak less and listen more. And as we all know, actions speak louder than words. So perhaps I should shut up now, and just listen to Gandhi...
What would the world be like if we all got just a little more conscious of what we think, say, and do? What if?
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 1:13 PM 0 comments
Labels: conscious living, yoga
breathe
Saturday, September 29, 2007
I didn't show up here yesterday because I had a horrible headache. (No people, I don't feel like I have to explain myself to you...this relates to today's post darlings.) I wish I could say that my headache was a result of my Britney hit and run, but alas, it was my own damn fault. Since we got back from Italy in mid-June, I have completely neglected my body. I've failed to get back into a consistent yoga practice and I'm certain that the headaches that I had this week were my body's way of saying, "WAKE UP WOMAN! I NEED MY YOGA!" My back was in all sorts of twists and knots and aches. And I'm quite certain that something was pinching something that it shouldn't, sending an excruciating feeling into my brain. I've been trying to take fewer medicines - advil, tylenol, etc...because I do believe that your body's aches and pains are telling you something (like get thee to yoga). And by just taking medicine to cover up the pain, well, you're essentially ignoring it and therefore eventually putting yourself in more pain. However, after drinking a lot of water (maybe I'm dehydrated?), closing my eyes (perhaps they're strained?), and stretching out my knotted up back (it dawned on me that I'd been neglecting my body a bit...), my headache remained. So I gave in and took two Excedrin. And about an hour later, my headache went away. But I knew that it was time to get my ass to class.
Yoga is one of the things I love most about LA. Sorry, New York, but yoga is just far superior out here. Maybe it's because the windows don't look across into a building. Or because you're not practicing in a basement. Maybe it's because the temperature in the rooms is always just right - not too hot, not too cold. Maybe it's because real estate is less expensive and the studios are big and expansive and beautiful. Maybe it's because Angelenos aren't in as much of a rush. For whatever reason, yoga is just better in LA.
This morning I went to one of my favorite yoga studios, Center for Yoga and took class with one of my favorite teachers, Jeanne Heileman. I had the incredibly good fortune to take my yoga teacher training with this fabulous woman (along with another favorite, Natasha Rizopoulos) a little over a year ago. Class with Jeanne is always a treat and one of the reasons is because Jeanne is constantly a student herself. Every time I'm in her class, I am reminded of what a gift she is to those who study with her. She is mindful of body, mind, and spirit in her teachings and because of that, I always leave with an extremely heightened awareness of all three. Jeanne is a stickler about alignment and I got my fair share of fabulous corrections this morning, which were much needed after having been out of practice for the past few months. I am always amazed to find myself sweating and heart pounding 15 minutes into my practice with her, despite the fact that the room is not heated and we're not moving at some crazy rapid pace.
But what I love most about Jeanne's class is that she is constantly encouraging her students to get in touch with how they are feeling in that present moment and to practice accordingly. Which this morning, as I gently massaged the knots out of my back, was a phenomenal reminder for me. I'm a bit out of shape and so I reminded myself to push myself and be gentle at the same time, to skip an asana here or there if I needed to. And most importantly, I took stock of how I was feeling in each pose, not dreading the second side even though I already knew the work that was ahead of me...because perhaps it might not be as difficult on that second side as it was on the first. Or perhaps it would be harder - but if I was only sitting there thinking about how difficult the first side had been, then wouldn't I actually be missing the experience of the entire second side?
And this is why I love yoga, and especially yoga in LA. I find these delicious morsels of wisdom in my classes here that I don't remember receiving in NYC. The yoga mat is a metaphor for life. If I can stay present on my mat and truly experience each pose in the moment then I can make choices based on how my body feels - I can push myself further, I can take a little break. I can relish in the stretch and I can adjust my body to make the pose better or easier or harder. I can enjoy the poses that my body just naturally slides into and I can remind myself to breathe through the harder ones for they'll be over before I know it and I'll be able to laugh at myself for the moment that I thought I might not make it through. Such is yoga, and such is life.
If you live in LA, go take Jeanne's classes. And if you don't, you can download her classes and her guided meditations at Yogi2Go. Your back and your mind will be a little less knotty for it.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 11:13 AM 0 comments
Labels: yoga
