No way out but through.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I. Am. OVERWHELMED. With a capital O in case you missed it there.
I had a babysitter today. For five hours. Sounds great - right? And I got home 20 minutes before it was time for her to leave...thinking I could eat something (since I am starving ALL the time. ALL. I'm never not hungry. I ate an Indian feast for dinner...still hungry. ALWAYS.) I unpacked the car, walked in the front door and was greeted by the pups. Oh yeah, I thought. I have dogs. They need to be walked. Dogs first, eating second.
So I walked the dogs and when I got back in, I decided it would be much faster if I put the car seat and strolled in the car without Evvy in them. So I did that. Dogs, then stroller, then eating. But then I came back in and realized I HAD to change because I was broiling in my outfit. Dogs, then stroller, then change, and then I'll eat. But then I realized it was 1:57 and my sitter was only here until 2 and we had class at 2:30. So eating didn't happen at home.
No. Eating happened at McDonald's. What? You didn't hear me??? MC-freaking-Donald's. That's what I ate today for lunch. Because I was so hungry I was starting to see stars and there is NOT ENOUGH FREAKING TIME IN THE DAY TO EAT ANYMORE. So I ate McDonald's and thought. "Is this really my life? Eating McDonald's on the run???"
Did I mention we're moving? Yeah - in 3 weeks. Oh and did I mention that this just happened a few days ago? So no - I wasn't exactly prepared for it. So we're moving in 3 weeks and my babysitter is going back to college and there is SOOO much crap to do and on top of it, the sleep training, which in general is going amazingly well, seems to have caused me to sleep LESS because I wake up now and feel the need to check on my child since she is no longer waking me up during the night. Ummmm - isn't that the OPPOSITE of what's supposed to happen? I thought her sleeping through the night was supposed to equal me sleeping through the night. Instead I'm starting to feel catatonic. Why am I sitting down to write then? (you ask this because I haven't written more than twice in the past four months. normal question.) BECAUSE APPARENTLY AS SOON AS BEDTIME ROLLS AROUND I'M WIDE AWAKE. Yup. I was up from 12:30 AM to 3 AM last night. Wiiiiiiiide awake. Just as I am now at 10:52. Thinking of all the things I have to do because as soon as I cross three things off my to do list, 5 more pop into my head.
And about that sleep training...Did I mention the fact that I am now being tortured because my daughter initially took to sleep training so well? Yes. She learned to sleep in no time. However, being so well rested allowed her the energy to finally roll over. The problem? She rolls over in her crib and while she sleeps fabulously on her back, she hasn't figure out that she can put her head down while she's on her stomach. So of course, Like the good mother I am, I've been going in and rolling her over and within seconds, she's asleep. But today, it was pointed out that she needs to learn that she can sleep on her stomach. And the only way she'll learn that is if I let her figure it out. Letting her figure it out = much crying in frustration. There goes my good mother theory down the drain. So tonight, I let it go on for as long as I could stand (she fell asleep on her belly for about 45 minutes before waking up again and WAAAAAAAILING) and then I did it - I rolled her over. Two seconds later she was fast asleep. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Tomorrow night I'll try again. I'll let her be frustrated. But I'd had it tonight...I needed to give her a quick fix.
It struck me as I was thinking about this whole process - this is life. You have to cry in frustration before you figure it out. No one can tell you or figure it out for you. They can't protect you from it or do it for you. You have to do it yourself to really learn. And most of the time that's accompanied by a lot of frustration (and often some tears as well.) It doesn't matter if you're learning to roll over, figuring out how to ride a bike, learning how to be in a relationship, trying to get a job or going after the things you've always wanted most. It's really quite simple. You just have to keep reaching through the frustration until you get there. And as long as you don't give up, you will figure it out. So while she cries in frustration as she learns a new skill, I'll have to breathe through my frustration and let her.
Dogs, then stroller, then change, the McDonald's...then breathe. I'm going to try to the move that last one to the front of the list...right after I make sure I eat.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 10:43 PM
Labels: daily, I HAVE a baby, random thoughts
