Angstless in LA
Thursday, December 11, 2008
It's DECEMBER???? WHAT THE HELL?
Anyhow. I've been having this conversation as of late with a couple different people. And I could be totally off on this one, but I'm thinking that blogging is better - even writing for that matter - when it's being used as an outlet for some sort of angst. I would have been an AMAAAAAAAAAAZING blogger when I moved to LA. Just ask any of my close friends who had to put a limit on the number of times a day I could call them. I was oozing angst.
Or when I was single living in NYC. I met with a writer the other day (for an hour and 45 minutes by the way. That sets the record for my longest writer meeting ever. Except, of course, for the first "meeting" I had with my husband...but that doesn't count.) who said she was sort of glad to be single because if she were in a long term relationship, she's really unsure what the hell she'd write about.
I know exactly what she means. I'm not feeling so much angst these days. I have my moments and I'm all too sure that I will have many a meltdown in the not-so-distant future, that life won't feel quite so even, that I will want different things, wish for something new, feel like my brain is going to explode, have moments of "why can't this just..." and "when will I ever...".
But for now, I'm sort of...dare I say it...content. And content makes for boring blogging I think. I'm sort of uninspired. Although I can tell you that my baking extravaganza this weekend will give me plenty of food for thought. I can't even believe I just wrote that. Food for thought. SEE!?!??!?!?!?!
I sometimes wonder if I'm just not a good writer. If I were, wouldn't I be able to pull something out of my ass at a moment's notice for the sake of the blog? Wouldn't I be able to go back to that time of angst and channel it to write something poignant, funny and touching all at once? Wouldn't I be able to paint a picture of that day seven years ago, that moment in the middle of Times Square, that time when I thought I would never recover? Maybe I can. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough...I don't know.
I know I have thoughts in moments in the middle of downward dog that I think would be a really smart piece of writing. I write the whole thing in my head as I move through my (modified for pregnancy) vinyasa. But by the time I get home, it's gone. I remember the general feeling, but the words...they're just not there.
I wish I'd written more at certain times in my life. I could have done wonders with my mid-20's in Manhattan, my late 20's in LA...among other times. My head was constantly swirling with questions, anxiety, endless clutter and conversation.
But for now, my head isn't really swirling much at all. I've managed to find zen in the past six and a half months. Like I got knocked up and something switched inside my brain telling me that I needed to just roll with the punches a bit more because from this point forward, there was going to be a hell of a lot more out of my control than had ever been before. And so that's the way I've been living. I've had a few meltdowns here and there. And I've wished I was closer to a computer when they've happened. But by the time I sit down to write it down, it's over and done with and I've moved on. I find myself wondering what the point of rehashing is. And so, I don't.
So I'm angstless and blogless. But I'm happy.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:46 PM
Labels: daily, on bloggers and blogging
There you are. Yep, I missed you. Obviously.
Oh, and don't worry. I'm f*cking angsty enough for both of us.