Innocence Lost
Thursday, December 6, 2007
At approximately 9:30 last night, I took Thursday out for her last walk of the evening. She jaunted down the street and I deeply inhaled the cool night air. While I'm generally fairly tired by the time we perform this evening ritual, I've learned to enjoy this time of night - sort of a final farewell to that day. A chance to go over that day's events and emotions before I put the day to rest.
We took our normal evening route - down one side of our street, across the street, and up the other side. I was lost in my own thought, enjoying the feel of the cool night air. About 1/4 of the way up the other side of the street, Thursday started barking. I looked and saw nothing there. But then I looked down. There, in the gateway to one of our neighbors homes, was a pair of shoes. Upon closer examination, I found that these shoes were on feet that were attached to a body that was lying limply across the pathway to this home. I couldn't see a face and I was so taken aback that I couldn't possibly imagine what it was that I was supposed to do in that moment. It was dark out on a very quiet street. We live in a perfectly nice neighborhood but it's not with out it's share of homeless people that visit now and again. And I was on this street at 9:30 at night all by myself...this was not a New York block where I would have generally been in the company of at least 3 or 4 other people at any given time (although I must admit, that upon examination, I can't say that I would have been any less taken aback/sort of scared if I'd been in New York).
Thursday and I quickly crossed the street and cut the walk short to tell my husband what had just occurred.
"What do I do? I feel like an awful person. I wanted to see if they were ok, to ask if they needed help...but it's dark and I was by myself and what if they were crazy or it was a scam?"
He quickly assured me that I'd done the right thing and that we should call the police. They would come and either way, they would take care of the situation.
And that's exactly what happened. He called the police and within a matter of minutes, an ambulance pulled up in front of the house. From what we could glean from watching from up the block and across the street, the person was awoken by the EMT's and was able to stand up with some assistance from them. They spoke for some time and then it looked as though said person was escorted into the home. So we gathered that this person had been walking into their home and had passed out or had some sort of episode or something and had been lying unconscious in front of their house.
I have been thinking about this non-stop since last night. Because I hate that I didn't just bend down and ask this person if they were ok. That seems like the natural and human thing to do. It seems like it should have been my first instinct. But my first instinct was to get scared. I felt upset last night because the man, though a stranger, was in genuine need of help. My husband reminded me that's exactly what we did. We helped. Without putting ourselves in a direct line of danger. But I still feel sad for the fact that I live in a world where I have to think twice before I help someone lying on the ground in my own neighborhood. It just doesn't seem right.
It gets me thinking a lot of things about the "world" we live in. And then I feel like I've gotten so old that I'm now the one thinking about these things. It's a beautiful world but it's also a scary world at times. How do you find a balance? How do you take the knowledge that we all have about the world and the many different kinds of people in it and still be the kind stranger?
And so last night my evening walk was not about closure. It was not a chance to put the days events to rest. Instead it was the opportunity to question the way I look at the world and to try to understand it in a new way.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:19 PM
Labels: musings on life, neighborhoods
My god are you ok!!!
Dam straight you did the right thing. I often think the same when i see someone stuck on the side of the road etc., but if you are by yourself, keep on stepping.
If someone pisses me off on the road i will no longer give the heart felt finger either.
The only assurance of safety is to do our best to keep ourelves safe and you did just that and helped as well.
I'm not sure there is a "right" or a "wrong" in this situation. It's very ambiguous and very personal. For me personally, I know I would have gone right up to the guy. I ALWAYS do this sort of thing -- act first, think later... If I have learned anything in being married to the most informed trained self defense expert is that I do this to a fault, and need to start thinking before I just act because there are "bad people" out there... but it's always been my nature to just react immediately. However, since I have become a bit more paranoid due to my husband's consistent teachings/warnings, I think (for me) personally-- I would have flipped open my cell phone and called either 911 or SOMEONE *while* I went to the guy, so there was a public log of what I was doing while I was doing it. A play-by-play if you will of my actions so that if something bad did happen, then I had all ready alerted that I needed help.
But I think the main point here is how to grapple with how you feel now that it has passed... and for you-- these are the things I believe you should focus on:
You *did* help. In fact, you sent people to the man who had the training to do more than you would have known what to do, which is something you should feel good about. you did not ONLY walk away. you just delayed your help, and you have no idea if you had gone to him right away if it would have made a huge difference. So it doesn't truly matter. Because in the end, you led to him getting help, however you went about doing it... is secondary.
You did help.
so i am commenting on my comment now... but i had to! i just finished up a meeting with a self defense expert and a school psychologist in preparation for a girls empowerment assembly we are putting on at HUGE l.a. public school on wednesday (i am a bit nervous i won't lie!!!) and -- lo and behold-- this exact incident came up. i asked what their opinion was in terms of the right thing to do, since our entire assembly has to do with listening to your inner voice and preparing in advance for proper response systems and doing risk assessments -- and they both agreed that the best thing to do is to be helpful while also being careful, and you might feel good to know that they thought what you did was better than what my instinct would have been-- because-- this was interesting-- they said what if someone had broken into the house, and was still there? and you became the next victim, etc? and what if you had gone to him, what could you have REALLY done? either way, using your phone to call the right people that know what to do and are prepared is the BEST situation. they said they would have maintained visual (kept the guy in their sight) while calling, but would not have approached til they had someone on the phone, and they would only have approached if they felt comfortable. they both felt that in these situations you have to listen to your gut. anyway... that's all.