Chemistry
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I've been thinking a lot lately about a conversation I had with my husband and a friend a few weeks back. Talk of NYC led to the revelation of an interesting observation made recently by my mother in law. She had asked my husband if he felt I was at all different in LA. Not different in a hugely noticeable way - just a bit less...excited. My husband actually said to me, "Do you feel like you've lost any of your spark in LA?"
I sat in silence for a moment, pondering his inquiry.
Now, upon initial reading, some might take offense to this question. But it actually gave me a huge sense of relief, for I have felt ever so slightly different in LA from the moment I arrived. Initially, I chalked it up to the newness of the circumstances...moving to a new place at almost 28 (especially across the country) was daunting. Add the fact that I was moving without a job to be with a boy to whom I was not betrothed and mix well with a splash of neurotic Jewish nature and a dash of occasional anxiety. As you can imagine from this recipe, the transition was not an easy one. But I slowly settled in and got used to my new place of residence (which I still fear I will never call home) and patiently waited to, well, quite frankly feel like ME again. But three years and a few months later, I find myself still waiting...
At times I've wondered if its just that I've gotten older. Or if perhaps this "spark" that I felt I had was a figment of my imagination. I've wondered if that small feeling that I was special was pompous. I've thought about this intensely and frequently because I haven't been able to understand how a city can have the power to take that away from you. Could it actually be possible that New York City had the power to give me such a small but noticeable kick in my step?
So when it was said out loud - acknowledged by another person that I truly DID have that spark in New York and that I was just a little bit without it now...well...I felt relieved. I felt relieved to know that I hadn't been pompous or delusional - that it really was missing from me in LA. And FURTHER, it seemed that my husband had also noticed the fact that the second I stepped on Manhattan concrete, the zip was back in my step, the twinkle in my eye.
For the time being we're still in LA. Moving back exists only in discussions of what ifs and possibilities. Bit having the LA sparkless version of me acknowledged has made me ever so slightly more comfortable with it. Because at the end of the day, certain chemicals just don't create a spark. And while I seem to spark like a firecracker with New York City, my reaction to Los Angeles is just more mellow.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:55 PM
Labels: musings on life, NYC, west coast prejudice
