Girlfriends
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
There was an article in the New York Times about 5 years ago. I've looked for it time and again and can't seem to find it. It talked about a hormone that is only released from female friendships and how romantic relationships don't fill the same needs as female friendships. I am positive this is true. Of course, romantic relationships fulfill other emotional needs that friendships alone can not. But I could never live with solely a romantic relationship. I am a person who needs my girlfriends (slash my gay friends who are essentially my girlfriends in sheep's clothing.)
So it makes sense that I felt like I was coming down from a great high when I got to my empty home last night. It's a bizarre comparison but it's accurate. It feels like I've come down. I had a home filled with people all weekend - most notably one of my oldest and dearest girlfriends. When I got home last night, that hormone, whatever it's called, was gone. (Not to mention that my husband has been back in NYC for the week, so it was genuinely empty.)
I don't know why it is, but I don't get time with my girlfriends here like I got in New York. I think that part of it is because Los Angeles is more spread out which makes it more difficult than NYC. In New York, I could meet a friend for a glass of wine for an hour before we both went to a dinner...or I met them for dinner...or sometimes even after dinner. There were a few friends that I saw at least 2 or 3 times a week. It was easy - no one had to get in a car to drive anywhere. And we all lived within 15 minutes of each other...walking.
I also could connect with most anyone, anywhere via the phone during the evenings. If I had a night at home, I could get on the phone with a friend in Chicago or LA or Atlanta or San Fransisco or Boston or New York. But now it's usually too late to connect with the east coast or midwest when I'm done with work. The time difference makes it insanely difficult to get people on the phone or for people to get me on the phone, for that matter. Even on the weekends - their early evening is my middle of the day.
And then there's the fact of sheer numbers. Quite simply, I have a lot more really close friends in New York most of whom have known me at least ten years. I only have one friend out here who's known me for more than four (and that includes my husband.) And I am immensely grateful for my newer friendships, for the ones that I have often don't feel new. They feel warm and familiar and safe. But it takes time to cultivate the comfort that one has with their oldest friends.
Maybe I just miss my friends in New York. Not only do I miss my friends in New York, but I miss the frequency with which I felt the opportunity to connect with all of my friends in general. I crave that hormone more than I get it...but this weekend I got a hefty, wonderful overdose. And it's not something that I ever want to detox from.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 2:27 PM
Labels: friends
