A place where you don't need to get validated
Monday, November 5, 2007
I had breakfast with a good friend from NYC last week. Her husband was here for business and she and her son tagged along to see some friends and get some fall sun. We had breakfast at their hotel and on the way out, I got my parking validated. Thinking in my normal "New York or LA" manner, I laughed. "Of course I have to get validated in LA."
She pointed out that you need to get validated for parking in many cities...but she echoed the sentiment moments later. She mentioned that her husband had been looking at some potential jobs in Los Angeles while they were here this week - but after spending the week here, she just felt like she wouldn't be happy in LA.
"Forget the fact that it's so spread out. Everything - I mean everything - just feels so material. Everyone is in their fancy cars with their insanely big houses. And I can't imagine sending my kids to school here. And it's all about seeing and being seen. I'd feel so much pressure here. And I have some great, great, girlfriends here...but I still don't think I'd be happy."
This was her impression after a mere 5 days in this place. She, too, felt that inherent to Los Angeles is the need to feel validated in a way that doesn't exist in New York or Chicago or many other cities.
Perhaps this is not true for everyone who lives here. And I think there are probably many who enjoy this aspect of Los Angeles. But there does seem to be this constant buzz of who you know, what you do, where you were last night and with whom and it sort of makes you want to crawl into a hole and hide and remind everyone that it's the journey, not the destination...that there's nothing more valuable than love and kindness. And I know I sound cliche, but I think a lot of people out here forget the importance in just being warm and loving and kind.
Why does everyone out here care so much about everyone else? And you could turn around and point this question directly back at me. You could tell me that the issue is my own. You could ask me why I feel like I need to be validated. You could say to me, "But Michelle...if you don't care, then why does this bother you so much?" You could tell me that if I'm truly secure in who I am, then outside validation is bunk anyhow.
And you'd be right on all accounts. These are all good and true points. They are questions that I have often asked myself since I settled down in this City of Angels. And I did occasionally have these feelings when I lived in New York. I think the need for occasional validation is human. But since I moved to Los Angeles, I have felt it more and more - at times to an uncomfortable extent. And I've searched more and more for my own sense of peace, my own validation...so that when I feel something other than that from someone I know or someone I meet, I can simply brush it off without paying it any heed. I haven't gotten there yet - but I'm working on it.
My friend that I had this conversation with - she is one of the most confident and grounded young women I know. I have often admired her self-assuredness. And so in that moment, it felt good that another confident, secure young woman saw exactly what I see and knew that she would struggle with exactly what I struggle with here in LA. In that moment, I felt validated.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:05 PM
Labels: life lessons, moving to LA
