A modicum of control
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
We live in a world of illusion...where we believe that if we do it, they will come. Where we believe that a+b=c. Where a series of actions equals an outcome. It can be as simple as: if I leave 15 minutes early, I will undoubtedly get to my destination on time. But that's assuming that there's a normal pattern of traffic. If there's an accident or roadwork or any other unassumed variant, then I'm shit out of luck. And that's a really simple one.
There's a writer's strike looming in the wood of Holly. No one has control. Sure, the individual unions have control over the moves and decisions they make...but they don't have any control over the other side. And then there are all of us - the employees...that just have to sit back and wait and see what happens and go with the flow. With literally zero control.
We spend our lives muddling the difference between the law of attraction and trying to control the outcome of our lives. Oprah touted "The Secret" and while I firmly believe in the law of attraction, there's a difference between simply having faith in something and saying "I will do x, y, and z and because I believe in it and I've laid the foundation, it's going to happen." In fact, in essence, the law of attraction occurs for a person who releases the element of control.
I am a control freak. I would like everything to go the way I want when I want. I want others to think and be like I hope they will be. I want the people in my life to love each other and get along and understand one another. I want people to see and understand my perspective. I want to know where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. Of course, none of this is possible all of the time. And in truth, how boring would the world be if we all knew how everyone was going to act and react and how it was all going to turn out in the end? For starters, there would be no art and no passion. And that's just the tip of the iceberg (and yes, that is the proper expression - I can't wrap my head around it because every time I type iceberg, I think of lettuce.)
And for those of you who claim you don't have a control issue, I don't believe you. You might not be a "control freak" per se, but you have disappointments. And in general, disappointments arrive from expectation. And expectation is, in essence, a form of trying to have control. Some people are more in touch with their desire and need to control. Others go through life in a very laisez-fare (I KNOW I butchered that spelling...) way, assuming the identity of one who doesn't care. But they too suffer from the broken heart, the lost dream, the failed encounter. And they fly high from the perfect kiss, the ideal encounter, the deal made.
I have spent hours - years - trying to understand my desire to control...trying to release it. I am getting closer. Some days are better than others. Yoga helps. Staying in the moment helps. And looking at myself and acknowledging fear helps. Because at the end of the day, I only want to control things because I'm scared of what will happen if I can't. But the truth is that I can't. And I can choose to spend my life feeling scared that nothing is going to happen the way that I want or I can choose to be in the moment and see where life takes me, understanding that at times it will be down roads I would prefer not to go, but that I can surely handle.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 9:54 PM
Labels: life lessons
Its interesting what you say about "muddling the difference between the law of attraction and trying to control the outcome of our lives." I also struggle with my need to control and trying to find the ability to let go on a regular basis. There's a shocker. But don't you think there has to be a balance between letting go and being a participant in our own lives. We can't sit back and expect the universe to do all the work for us. So when do you let go, and when do you take action on your own behalf?