Jewish Tourettes
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I love a good bargain. I grew up in the car with my grandmother telling my mom about "the bah-gain" she got on grapes at the grocery store that day.
"They were a dollah twenty five a pound at Stop and Shop but Julio's had them for ninety-nine cents!"
This was a conversation that I heard often. I didn't really get it when I was a kid. It was only later that I learned that my grandmother's family had owned a grocery store...so it was her business. The same way I discuss scripts and writers, she discussed grapes. But I digress. My point is that she loved a bargain. She paid for an entire meal at Friendly's in coupons once. I kid you not. The woman was a whiz at saving money.
This was my introduction to bargain shopping. However, as I got older, I didn't care so much about the bargain I could get on grapes as much as I cared about the sale rack at Banana Republic or Barney's Co-op. I prided myself on the fact that I could find great fashion at great prices. My mother assisted in this mission by making the day after Thanksgiving sale at Saks a family outing. We are the crazy people who awake at 7 AM for an 8 AM arrival at the Saks Copley Square. And we don't just get there early to make sure we get the best merchandise (although that definitely plays a role in our logic). We get there early because from 8-11 AM, there is an additional 40% off already reduced prices. Do you hear that? AN ADDITIONAL FORTY PERCENT. Which is how I got my one and only pair of Manolo Blahniks for $125. Amazing - right? I made Carrie Bradshaw proud. Even though she's a fictitious character, I know she was proud of my deal.
I've never been that girl who gets a compliment and just simply says "thank you". I wish I could be...I have often longed to be that girl. The classy one, who never has a hair out of place, who never lets them see her sweat. The girl who has the perfect pearls and is just cool enough to be slightly mysterious but still likable. I've always imagined what that feels like. To be the one who always says just enough but never too much.
I am not that girl. In fact, I am the opposite of that girl. I have Jewish tourettes.
I learned about this disorder at a bridal shower a few years ago. I was at a lovely home near Westlake Village and I was wearing my Manolos. The afternoon was delightful - perfect weather, interesting people, and a few glasses of perfectly crisp Pinot Grigio. We went outside to take a group photo and one of the shower hostesses looked down and remarked about my shoes.
"I love your shoes. They're stunning." And she pulled a few of her friends over to get a look.
She was right. They are. They're tan mules with red accents and the most perfect pointy toe you've ever seen. I just made my co-worker take a picture of them for me so that you can see. It doesn't do them justice...but you get the idea.
For some reason, it didn't even occur to me to simply say, "Thank you." The thought didn't cross my mind. It seemed to me to be my civic duty to let these lovely women in on the fact that I got a bonafide bargain on my Manolos.
"Thank you!" I started, but of course couldn't stop there. "I LOVE them!" I blurted, the excitement building. "I got them at the Saks day-after Thanksgiving sale! They were marked down from $475 to $200 AND I got an additional 40% off!" I exclaimed, expecting the routine excitement that I was used to receiving upon revelation of such an incredible deal.
Instead, I was greeted with blank stares and silence. It was as though I had just divulged my most intimate secrets, given details of my sexual exploits. I waited another moment, hoping that the pause button had been pressed on my life. But when it became clear that these women were horrified rather than proud, I gave a nervous laugh and quickly moved away, wondering how my usual divulging of information had been viewed as a gargantuan faux-pas. Where had I gone wrong?
And then I realized...these women were not Jewish. They were the well coiffed, well mannered women who could simply stop at "Thank you." They were not impressed by my bargain. Quite the opposite, in fact. They were horrified by the fact that I didn't (or perhaps couldn't) simply keep it to myself.
I refer to that incident as the discovery of Jewish tourettes. It's a disease that I've tried to overcome ever since that bridal shower. I have reminded myself time and again that it's ok to simply reply with "thank you" when I receive a compliment. I do not need to reveal the fact that I got it at the outlet. No one needs to know that it wasn't triple the price I actually paid. Let people think that I'm wealthier than I am!! But no matter how hard I try, it comes out. Before I can stop myself, I've let them know that I got it at the Theory outlet, that it came from H&M, that it was on the sale rack at Banana for $20. I simply can't resist. I blame it on those car rides with my grandmother and the grapes. And I remind myself that while other people might look at me like I have twenty heads, she's smiling somewhere saying, "That's my girl."
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:52 PM
Labels: family, life lessons, yeah...i'm a little bit crazy
Erm, do you have to be Jewish to have Jewish Tourettes? Because I think I have it.
Hillary - I think that you definitely do NOT need to be Jewish to have Jewish Tourettes.