10 Days - Part 8
Saturday, September 6, 2008

March of 2003 was a funny time. The war in Iraq had started and everyone seemed to feel lonely, scared, and completely unsure of what was going to happen next. It seemed like a time to be overly cautious and at the same time, to live life no holds barred.

The war started the night that we opened Avenue Q Off-Broadway. We got rave reviews and began discussions of a transfer to Broadway AT the opening night party afterward. But it was hard to celebrate fully when we got the news that we had just attacked Iraq. We raised our glasses to the closing song and said outloud, "Everything in life is only for now." I stumbled home after far too many glasses of red wine - a few to celebrate, a few to drown my fear of the world we were living in - and sat down at the computer. I just wanted Burma Boy to be here. I wanted him to be at the opening with me. I wanted to curl up on the couch with him and talk about the craziness of the world.

are you sure you don't want to fly back one day soon to kiss me for a few hours? is it possible to miss someone you don't even really know?

m

Which was truly how I felt. I felt connected to this person…immensely. And yet, I was aware of the fact that I barely knew him. Still, at times I felt like there was more revealed in our writing than could ever possibly be revealed in person. A true romantic…

Part of what was so amazing about the emails was how they made me think and question – about life, about the world, about myself.

Burma Boy wanted to know what made me “tick...”

what makes me tick? am i supposed to tell you that? or are you supposed to find out for yourself?

m

He responded:

I think you’re right. i'd rather figure out what makes you tick myself...i mean...i have a couple months on my hands...[make mental note to self: come visit asia....come visit asia]

And with that, I began to obsess over taking a trip to Asia. I kept saying that I wanted more adventure. What did I have to lose?

Since at that time, I was completely incapable of trusting any decision I made on my own, I started asking the opinion of literally every. single. person. I knew.

I have contemplated the idea of coming to asia everyday since you left. My most rational friend marnie irrationally thinks I should come. My most adventurous best friend sharon rationally thinks I’m insane. I don’t know what I think. Here’s the thing. there’s definitely something between us – but we only spent 12 hours together. One night. What if I got all the way to ASIA and it wasn’t there anymore? For whatever reason - what if you didn’t like me, I didn’t like you, we didn’t like each other? That would be a problem. And I don’t have any friends in asia to go stay with…

then there’s the part of me that is pretty sure that’s not going to happen - that we would have an amazing week. But I don’t know…

Being the consummate adventurer, Burma Boy was taking a month in the Philippines to get his pilot’s license before he started school in Japan. He wasn’t sure if he’d have email access while he was there, so he sent me the following email before he left:

baby doll,

one parting thought before i have to run...
get your arse over here...
why don’t you try and plan for May -- we can do Burma or something interesting...

i'm most likely out of Hong Kong this saturday and will be heading down to Philippines…don't know about the internet set-up there so you may be getting a bunch or postcards...

How do you spell your last name? Funny, don't even know how to spell your last name.

kiss kiss

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????

I emailed my friends. What do I do? What do I DOOOO? It was crazy to think about going – there was a war going on, a disease with no cure, HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW MY LAST NAME!!! But I was starting to feel like that was all the more reason to take risks, to live life, to find out what could be. I’d never been a big risk taker. My tendency was to play it safe, to stick with things that were planned. But everything I was drawn to in my life involved risk. My fear of the unknown, my control freak nature were all keeping me safe. But I knew that my tendency toward safety was part of what was holding me back from taking the leap toward a lot of the things that I wanted to do, that I dreamed of having and of living. I was never going to be fully satisfied in my life if I stayed that way. In order to gain big, I had to risk big. Maybe this was the time to start...

From my friend Sandy:
GO

Uch, I love your life.


From my friend Lisa:
oh my god!!! I love it, it sounds as if you guys have been together for months already!! I don't think you are crazy, if I got that e-mail I would probably go too. Did you mention anything about him coming back to new york first?? b/c I would definitely try that first, although you have to go with your gut.

From my friend Kelly:
we must discuss

when? for how long?

agreed you only live once and really, how horrible could it be? but at the same time, i'm a little hesitant.

From my older, wiser friend Billy:
sweetie,

you are in your twenties - if ever there was a time to get on a plane and travel halfway around the world to find out if this guy is "the one" this is it. It would be nice if he would pay the air fare. But its not about the air fare, it’s about you and the right guy.

It would be silly not to go and 6 months from now he comes back and you're kinda seeing someone so it’s not convenient. Strike while the iron is hot.

The worst that can happen other than what happened in that Claire Danes movie - (ed note: he’s referring to “Brokedown Palace” where she goes to Thailand on vacation and is arrested for drug smuggling. Yeah…that would suck) - is that you get five days in an exotic place halfway around the world. The best thing that can happen is that you get 5 days in an exotic place halfway around the world and you find out he's the guy of your dreams.

I think this is a Meg Ryan moment and you should seize it.



Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:56 PM  

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1 comments:

megabrooke said... September 14, 2008 at 4:24 PM  

i love that when you wrote him, you told him what each of your friends thought. i love billy's advice to you.

i can't wait to read the next installment.

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