10 Days - Part 22
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I felt even BETTER the next morning. I put on a pair of jeans and no sooner had I buttoned them around my waist and they were on the ground at my ankles. I ran to the bathroom and stepped on the scale. I knew that I’d lost a little weight on my trip. I mean, how could I not? I’d barely eaten and I’d been trying to keep up with superman. But as I looked down, I was shocked to see that I had lost ten pounds. TEN POUNDS??? I’d been trying for years to lose ten pounds. Who knew that all it would take was a week in
I'd been to my very own Ashram and I hadn't even known it!!! After 4 years of therapy and finally learning to feel comfortable in my body, it felt like overnight I had been given a new one. I wasn't complaining one single bit.
As the weeks progressed, the feelings of sadness and shame I'd felt surrounding what I had interpreted as the “failure” of my trip slowly began to fade. As I told the story over and over, I managed to focus on the adventure I’d been on, the humor of the whole thing (ie: me, princess at heart, biking through pigs and goats) and the fact that I’d actually done it. The general consensus was that people were inspired and thought I was brave. And I started to realize that I was.
Burma Boy and I corresponded a bit. We talked about what an amazing adventure we’d both had. I sent him a version of the letter I’d written on the plane ride home and he sent me an email telling me how he’d felt on the trip as well. Turns out with some distance, we both felt that we’d had a wonderful experience and had learned a tremendous amount. The emails kept up for a little while, but there didn’t seem to be as much of a point anymore. My stomach didn’t flip when I received one, and he didn’t rush to write back. The fairytale was over. Now I could move forward.
And move forward I did. Being in
I was dating a wine purveyor (we’ll call him Wine Boy) and sort of beginning to like him, when I got a message at my office on a Tuesday in July from Long Distance Boy. The one from March and Passover…remember him? He was back in town and wanted to grab a drink so we made plans to meet after work that night. Long Distance Boy and I sat and sipped dirty martinis and laughed. A lot. He felt like an old friend, someone I’d known for years. The whole thing felt bizarrely familiar. I walked him to see “Hairspray” and he held my hand. Was he flirting with me?? He kissed me lightly on the cheek goodbye and told me that he wanted to get together again later in the week.
Later in the week turned out to be a barbecue at his brother and sister-in-law's for the 4th of July. The four of us went to the beach and LDB and I swam out to a dock in the middle of the water. We sat and talked and laughed some more. My mind was racing while we talked on the dock? Was he flirting? Because it sort of felt like he was flirting. And I sort of felt a little nervous, but the good kind of nervous. And before my mind could come up with an answer, LDB was kissing me. And I guess I had the answer to my question.
“Why do you have to live in LA?” I asked with genuine despair.
“I’m not thinking of it that way,” he said.
Well, what was he thinking? I wanted to know EVERYTHING he was thinking. But I didn’t ask. I felt completely confused. What about Wine Boy? He lived in
When I woke up the next morning, I’d made my decision. I was NOT going to do this to myself again. I was not going to be with someone who lived far away, who I couldn’t have a real relationship with. I was not going to kiss LDB again.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:47 PM
Labels: 10 Days in Burma, past, writing exercise, yeah...i'm a little bit crazy
im not surprised that you lost that weight! given the slim pickins you had to work with it makes sense! im kind of... glad that you and burma boy just sort of fizzled out, without having to have some big talk over it all. it kind of progressed in its' own way. and now LDB! im trying to remember him from before- he was a relative of a friend of yours, right?
can't wait to hear more... i KNOW you'll kiss him again!! ;)