10 Days - The Final Chapter.
Saturday, October 18, 2008

But when I met LDB for a drink that night, I couldn’t stop staring at his face. I loved his face. I liked his eyes, the way they smiled. I liked the way he told a story. I liked the way he laughed. And mostly, I liked the way I felt being with him. Easy. Comfortable. At home. We talked honestly that night. He liked me too. I told him about Wine Boy. And I told him that I couldn’t do long distance. He was seeing someone also, but he still wanted to stay in touch – to email and talk and see each other when he was in town. No reason we couldn't do that, he said. Sounded good to me. When he kissed me goodnight outside, it sounded even better…

The first message that I got from LDB after he returned to LA was saved on my cell phone and played over and over every day for the entire 21 days that I was able to save a message. The nicest part about it was the surprise. I hadn’t heard my cell phone ring, and when I checked the message several hours later, I didn’t know who it was from. When I heard his voice saying over and over again that he just kept thinking about me, I knew I was in trouble. Good trouble, but trouble…And for the next 21 days, every time I listened to that message, my stomach flipped.

As time went on, and emails were exchanged between LDB and me, my feelings for Wine Boy depleted. He started pushing to get more serious, but for the first time in my life, I was enjoying having options. The more he pushed, the more I pulled away. And the emails that LDB sent to me were soooo…well, just sooo.

I ended things with Wine Boy and simultaneously made a decision about LDB. I had no idea what he was thinking, what he was feeling…but I knew that I wanted to go for it. I knew that I never wanted to walk in a room and look at him and think “what if?”

LDB came back to New York in mid-August. It just so happened that he was scheduled to arrive the same day as the blackout occurred in New York. I think the fact that the blackout prevented things with LDB from going exactly as I had planned in my head was for the best. My anticipation of his arrival was probably equal to the excitement I’d had the morning before I left for Burma. But as soon as the lights went out, I knew things weren’t going to go as planned. As I walked home from work, fears of another terrorist attack buzzed on the street. I couldn’t get in touch with LDB on his cell and I couldn’t get in touch with his mom either.

By the time I got home, it was clear that this was simply a blackout and only a blackout. There were no terrorists attacking, no planes flying into buildings - which allowed me a minor sigh of relief. I sat on the steps of my apartment building, hoping that my two roommates would appear sooner than later. I had 2 dollars in my wallet, no access to the electronic ATMS’s, and we’d all lost our ability to use plastic. We lived in a basement apartment so it was pitch black. I had attempted to go down by myself, but swiftly turned around when I realized that once I got one quarter of the way down the hall, I literally could not see a SINGLE thing. I couldn't see my finger in front of my face. I turned around and headed out again. My only option was to sit and wait. Within fifteen minutes, RT and PM were on the steps with me. We discussed what to do, which took all of about 2 minutes when we realized we didn’t really have any options. So we did what everyone else did during that blackout – we got drunk. We sat at the bar next door with friends and drank beer until the sun went all the way down. I tried not to think about where LDB was or if he’d landed. It was totally out of my control. There was nothing I could do.

At about 9 PM, drunk and tired, we stumbled home and I got ready for bed. I put on my pajamas and went into RT’s room. Since it was in the front of the building and looked out on the street, there was a little light coming in from the moon. I settled on the corner of his bed for a little drunken banter. All of a sudden I heard my name being called outside.

“Michelle!”

I sat up. “Yeah?” I said out the window.

“It’s Long Distance Boy. I’ve come to save you from the blackout!”

My heart started to pound. I looked at RT and ran outside. And there he was, standing at the top of my stairs. It really was Long Distance Boy. And his mom, his dad, and his dog, who’d accompanied him to make sure he was safe while he came to save me. I looked at him with a huge smile and when he wrapped his arms around me, I thought to myself, “Now this is a fairytale.”

When LDB’s two weeks in New York ended, I finally told him how I felt. I was scared out of my mind, but I knew that if I didn’t tell him what I wanted, I’d have lost without even trying.

******
12 months later, I boarded a plane that was to take me to my new home, Los Angeles. Long Distance Boy and I had decided that it was time to try things for real. I was becoming a serial risk-ist. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Sometimes I had to repeat it over and over, re-convincing myself. Sometimes I had to say, “Just keep going, just keep going. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.” But this time it wasn’t because I was sweating or because my legs were going to fall off. It was because I was being challenged by someone I was in love with and although stopping would be easier, going was better. I had found love. And it rarely looked like the movie in my head. But eventually, I started learning to look through the lens in real time and let life happen.

THE END.

Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 3:59 PM  

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4 comments:

Hillary said... October 20, 2008 at 9:20 AM  

Ahhh! The End?! I don't want it to be the end!

I loved this. Your writing is beautiful.

megabrooke said... October 21, 2008 at 12:17 PM  

ah hah! now i know who the husbie ended up being!

what a great story my friend. i loved every single entry. like hillary, i dont want it to end!!

Jessie P. said... October 22, 2008 at 9:26 AM  

It doesn't matter how many times I hear this story...every single time it renews my hope and my belief that fairy tales really do come true!

SleeplessInSeattle said... October 28, 2008 at 1:18 PM  

Awesome. I knew bits and pieces of the story, but never the whole thing. I got a little teary!

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