Content My Ass.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I suppose I spoke too soon.
I've been staring at the screen, trying to figure out how to make this creative or funny or...something other than straightforward. I haven't figured it out.
It's 5:33 on a rainy LA morning and I've slept for a total of about 3 hours. I'm chock-fucking-full of angst. I don't actually know if it's a rainy LA morning or not - I don't think it's raining anymore to be honest, but rainy sort of fits my mood and it sounds good. So for my purposes of this post, picture it rainy.
I started to write about all the good things, the things that are truly important - like the fact that my baby is healthy - and, for that matter, how excited I am that I'm having one. That everyone important to me is ok. And then I realized that I'm doing via blog what my friends and I all discuss our parents do to us when they call with bad news. They go through a laundry list of all the things that ARE ok. Everyone that IS fine. Telling you that everything is alright...all the while preparing you for the fact that things actually AREN'T ok, that not everyone is fine, that everything actually isn't alright...until you want to reach through the phone and punch them, but not before they tell you what the hell is GOING ON ALREADY!
Yeah. So I don't want to do that. I got laid off yesterday. Almost exactly 2 months after I was promoted. Almost exactly 3 months before I have a baby.
So yes - everyone is fine. And everything will BE fine. But things aren't ok right in this moment.
I keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. That when one door closes another door opens, that out of necessity comes invention. That we are not handed anything that we are not capable of handling. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I'm working every last ounce of energy I have to embrace zen. Because what other choice is there really?
Zen as hell - except when I'm not. Not in the the moments of complete rage I've flown into or the twenty minutes spent crying in the middle of the night, trying to understand how certain people who make four times what I make and do about a quarter of the work still have their jobs but I don't. What the reasoning is behind laying off a person with a salary that's less than the new desk that the CEO of our company recently purchased. A person who has been loyal and worked hard and told time and again of their value to the company and their potential for the future.
All I can remind myself is that someone, somewhere knows that I am destined for bigger and better.
Dear Someone,
Your timing sort of sucks.
But I'm sure you have your reasons. I'm sure you have big plans for me. You're more than welcome to reveal them sooner than later.
So yeah - about that whole being content thing? I spoke too soon. But I sure enjoyed it while it lasted.
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 5:32 AM
Labels: introspection, life lessons, meltdowns
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope that things start to look up soon and a bigger and better opportunity presents itself.
wow! u cussed! never really heard you cus before but I agree..it's bs. I hurt FOR you and if I could trade spots with you not only for you but the little life that is to be I would..if I cud. Not that i WANT to..but i would :) I am single and only have myself to worry for. Remember tho...we(3rd floor) love you and are all behind you...to hear you, help you and to read the blog on which you vent and then leave comments like this one. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP KID!!!! You do have a job...and your first day at work starts in 3 months and thats a job you will NEVER get laid off from! so save your energy bunny...you got a hunny to take care of you...mommy-hood is right around that corner and there is NO application to for that position..its already been filled by the best candidate I can think of! (side bar): I know i sent you an e-mail but had more to say...don't I always?? :)
xo
im so sorry michelle.
I'm heartbroken to hear this. I agree that everything will DEFINITELY be okay- if not better, but still. It really sucks.
I'm here if you need anything. Literally, I'm not too far away...