Pop goes the stomach
Thursday, November 6, 2008
It's the oddest thing. Sometimes I look down and feel like I must be in someone else's body because there is NO WAY IN HELL that the stomach I am looking at is mine. There's no possible way that this protrusion in front of me belongs to MY body...never mind what it MEANS.
This is a new sensation - one that I've started feeling only in the past week or so. Prior to that, I had a bit of a bump. I enjoyed it...it was cute. It was fun to finally show it off once I'd gone public to everyone. It was nice to actually look pregnant rather than just fat. I felt extremely connected to my body. But I woke up on Monday morning after an evening of Mexican food and all of a sudden, I had grown. And I mean GROWN. All of a sudden, I was freaking PREGNANT.
The past few days, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I'm totally shocked. Like I'm staring at a different person. A responsible person. An adult who's having a CHILD. I get confused... I'm the person with a flat stomach (one of my body parts that I consistently feel good about). I'm the girl who loves to go out for drinks, to try the latest restaurant. Who flies to NYC for a 36 hour weekend trip to see her friends because she can. Who has subscribed to the idea that 30 is the new 20. I'm the girl who does extra chatarangas during her yoga vinyasas. I'm the girl who's been climbing the corporate ladder, who's finally starting to get where she's been trying to go. So it's hard for me to figure out where "I'm the girl who's going to be a MOTHER" fits into that whole equation.
Don't get me wrong. This is clearly NOT the first time I've thought about this. I did not go into this whole thing blindly. In fact, I thought about it quite a lot. My husband would have had me knocked up walking down the aisle if it had been his choice...but it wasn't. I was quite clear about what it would mean to have a child. (Or at least, as clear as one can be until one actually HAS said child.) I was aware of that it would mean tremendous gains and gifts, but also significant sacrifice. I was aware that it was going to change our lives in every possible way. And I took my time, refusing to rush into something so monumental, insisting that we wait until I truly felt ready.
And so we did. And I did...feel ready, that is.
But this stomach (or belly as many have endearingly referred to it,) is all of a sudden staring me in the face saying, "Really? REAAAAAAAAAALLY are you ready? You have no IDEA how your life is going to change. You have no concept of what lies ahead. You can think about having a child, but you can't prepare. You have ten months of living with the idea but then all of a sudden you go into the hospital and come home with a BABY. That is with you for the next eighteen years. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Thirty is no longer the new twenty sweetheart. Welcome to adulthood."
For the past few days, my stomach talks and I listen. I am sure (although I've yet to discuss with any of my friends who are already parents) that this is quite normal. I'm sure most pregnant women's stomachs chat with them here and there throughout pregnancy. I'm sure most women have a moment where they say to themselves "WHAT AM I DOING???" And mine is here.
But then I feel the baby move. And I pretty much tell the stomach, "I know exactly what I'm doing." It's just me and the baby in those moments. No one else can feel the baby moving yet. It's just the two of us for a little while longer. And I'm not going to waste a single moment of that time. Because when I feel that little flutter inside my stomach, I know that everything is right with the world. And while everything in our life is going to change and I have absolutely NO IDEA what that's going to look like, it's only going to get better.
you can read more about my belly from my husband's perspective at www.meeshandthebelly.blogspot.com
Posted byMeesh-elle my Belle at 4:25 PM
Labels: we're having a baby
aww, this is so nice to read about this.
pictures???!
Yes, yes, yes and yes.
You have a huge head start b/c you're already starting to process the push/pull of the unimaginable joy and the complete change of who you are.
It's hard to verbalize both, especially when non-moms and/or moms who didn't experience it start with "so, is it the most amazing thing ever in the whole world????" The intellectual in you wants to answer completely and honestly, which would be to explain (or try to explain) how you couldn't ever really know how much you weren't going to be yourself anymore as well as to answer "yes!"
It's like you already knew it would be some level of the most amazing thing to ever happen to you, so that part is not the part that knocks you over, therefore not the first thing that comes to mind when people ask. But there's nothing like the look of shock/betrayal of mankind on some folks' faces when you start into the "well, it's more than a notion..."
Hence, the easy answer - "yes!"
But there's so. much. more. to it.